Thursday, December 30, 2010

Rumble in the Jungle at the Lesbo Disco



Tomorrow is New Years Eve, and last night was a beautiful evening.   I was supposed to go back to work for a few days in-between Christmas and NYE but the beauty of working for one’s self is that I didn’t feel like it so I haven’t.  I slept and sun baked by my pool on my new banana lounge, thanks grandma, and read nice books and ate and watched DVD’s and slept on my day bed that catches the nice afternoon see breeze.   An amazing afternoon and evening, went to my favorite gay bookstore in Darlinghurst and bought a new book, then walked through Paddington, past the football stadium and fox studios to watch a French film at Cinema Paris, “Heartbreaker” pretty good, then in the spirit of wonderful summer evenings pasted I didn’t want to go home, so I went looking for a club that was happening on a Wednesday night.  The Eastern in Bondi Junction had a line of over 2000 people waiting to get in, so no to that one, then back in the jeep, down Oxford Street, and the through the city, non taking my fancy, on my way home, then for a quick look at the Bank Hotel, it was pumping, so I parked the beep beep Jeep and went in.  It was obviously a gay night, but then I noticed it was very obviously a lesbian night.
The DJ was pumping, so I went up stair to what is called the velvet room, which I was about to find out was very appropriate.  I had a girl humping my leg like I was a horse and she was riding me within 30 seconds of arriving, quite strange, but harmless, but I felt saying “this baloney pony doesn’t want to ride your national velvet.”  Lesbian culture really is strange.  There were all the diesel dykes lining the walls with their hands in their pockets wearing boys cloths staring at the girls on the dance floor, or as I like to put it “eyein’ the pretties on the floor”  There were like a bunch of blokes in a club or bush dance.  I swear there was more testosterone in that club then in a bus full of year 9 boys doing a school boy ruby tour of New Zealand.
Some of the women wanted to be my friend and others looked as though they wanted to fight me.  It’s all a bit confusing, and I had no intention of ending up in a lesbo punch on, so I decided to ignore all the attention I was getting and just dance my little heart out the cracking tunes.  I was getting a lot of attention, and I wasn’t sure why, I guess my canvas flats could have been mistaken for Birkenstocks, maybe they mistook me for a really butch gal, or maybe a really pretty one? Who knows I can’t work out what’s hot and what’s not in lesbo land.  I have heard that you know you’re wearing something gay, if a lesbian wouldn’t wear it, and to my pleasant surprise I saw about three quarters of my wardrobe being worn by different women, so obviously I dress pretty butch.
I also saw Muslim girls there in their full head scarves, but with their face showing.  How strange, to keep that part of religion and culture while in a gay bar cursing and picking up girls, crazy.  Then 2 groups of hot boys came and boy could they dance, I guess they were cuties from Sydney Uni, but I have no idea all I know is they could dance like demons, and I’m usually the one with most of the moves, but I was finding myself standing on wall with the diesels watching this amazing show of krumping etc, and they were hot to boot, and funny, I love it when peoples humor comes through in their dance, which is why people like it when I’m dancing they just start laughing, with me…. mostly, not at me.  There was one white bread, an African American and one hot wog boy, and the level of coolness they brought with them was amazing, it was like they liquid nitrogened  the whole club, every one stopped dancing just to watch them boys go ape.  They had that whole gay boy/cool straight boy thing going on between them, so that in the end I couldn’t really tell either way, but it’s so much more interesting when guys deliberately blur the lines so that no one can tell, it makes them fascinating to watch.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Monogamy, Mono-go-me!, Monoga-not-so-me

I have come to an inner peace for the moment that unless one is at the place where you want to build a life with one person for the rest of your days, then dating really is a waste of time.  I think this is why I find the gay world so convenient, it’s built for non attachment one nighters, and un-entanglement just the way I like it.  I find any date I have been on with women, they aren’t killing time dating, they have a goal at the end of a date, am I going to have children with person, and will I be financially provided for with this person.
Man dates are not so.  There is no biological clock counting down your youth, well there is but the 30’s power flip that happens to women sort of happens to gay men as well as in their stock starts to plummet after 30, which I didn’t realize until after I turned 30, no one warned me that I had already peaked until after it had happened, not a nice feeling at all really.  But with gay men we are all in the same boat, our stocks are falling at the same rate as our looks fade.  But women’s mass appeal on the meat market starts falling after 30, while straight men’s stocks are rising.  May be I should turn straight now that I am 30? And watch my stock rise again.  That would be nice.
It’s as a dear Eastern Suburbs blonde friend said to me, “Women are like a cheap bottles of passion pop left open in the sun, they go off real fast, but men are like port, they get better with age and mature around 40”.  Truer words have rarely been spoken.
I have admitted to myself that I don’t want to build the rest of my life with one person.  It’s too soon.  I wake each morning and think  “the worse think that could happen is I meet “the one” today, because before you know it you won’t get to know anyone else other than that one person for the rest of my life”  scary.
If there are women who are out there dating just to kill time, I would love to meet you, because I haven’t met any of you yet and I think it would be nice to know one of your kind just to know what you’re like.  I have read another blog written by a 50 year old women and she sound pretty cool and laid back, but I guess once the children window has passed, what’s the rush.
I would like the security of having someone to depend on in my life, and the grounding influence of a stable relationship, but it seems too high a price to pay yet, to give up exploration and the thrill of meeting new people.

Monday, December 20, 2010

End of an Era: All a bit too much really

How my family got around.  Any yes we had this album growing up too.
To blog or not to blog……… drunk that is.  It’s Monday evening and I have had 10 standards I estimate in an hour and my keyboard is loaded.  I drank in a bar, not alone and it is the Monday before Christmas, so summer festivity, yes maybe I could pass it off as that if I had to.
Why so you ask? Well my anxiety was off the Richter scale today and I can’t put my finger on why so I write in the hope excising the demon.
Too many coffee’s…. yes.  But I am about to self disclose a side you may never get to see again.  I am part heir to a small Australian family dynasty and my mother has just told me by email last night that she is going to sell the family business that has defined 3 to 4 generations of how we have defined who we are as a family.   My real family name is famous in a certain part of Australia and whenever I give my name in that city people suddenly light up and want to be my friend or at least ask me questions about my family and how I fit into it. There is a National trust museum dedicated to my family as one of founding families of Australia, now that I live in Sydney my name means nothing and I am just fine with that.  But where I am from it is as if my last name was Packer or Murdoch. 
In my opinion my parents were too dedicated to a failing business that consumed every waking hour and they neglected their large family as a consequence.  The financial markets have not been kind to my parents, but they have never had to work for anyone else, always being their own boss and master and ruling over their empire with an impish bratty disregard for the financial realities of “meeting the market” that anyone who works in business knows is a must.  They have been shielded from their selfish ways by their deep pockets which must have finally run out.  And seeing as my Mother has had to do it all by herself since my father died a few years ago, it has all gotten too much and 120 year of family history is coming to an end. 
To sue or not to sue? That is the question.   I have been abandoned and discriminated against in the most horrible ways and as one person asked “do you think it is because you are gay?” and I am beginning think that it is.  While not “out” as such to my family, we are like the US military, don’t ask don’t tell.  My mother has huge prejudice against gay people and her spite is painful to watch.   But she is a woman of the world from working at the leading Australian Hospital for HIV research and care, and seeing as she worked there in the 70’s when the sexual revolution was in full swing I’m sure she has seen some sights and can pick a homo from a block away, including me her son.
So yes it’s the end of an era, part of the family biz is a large cattle station out west where we have planes, helicopters, horses, motor bikes, and hot stations hands.  Ahhh no more, pet horses and general gallivanting around on toys.  No more being the boss and wielding influence.  No more swimming pool and tennis court and neighbors who are all your friends and who have been your neighbors for 5 generations.

To sue my own mother make me sick to my core, but it may be necessary to stop the unfair distribution of assets which has happened my whole 20’s and might continue now that my mother is finally “cashing in”.  So I guess that’s why I needed a few drinks tonight, it’s all a bit too much really.  Homophobia is alive and well, at least in my family it is.

Friday, December 17, 2010

More Beautiful Gorgeous Things: part 2




 
About once a month I go shopping for a lovely old Mosman lady who simply can’t be bothered facing the shops, so I take a borrowed black Amex and head usually to Chatswood Chase David Jones and buy what she wants and deliver it to her, lots of fun, and I like making the oh so sexy shop assistance think that all this stuff is for meeeee.  Well don’t  really care if they think I’m rich or not, but it’s just nice to have a legitimate reason to interact with the hot dudes who are serving me and it doesn’t hurt when I walk out with 10 grand of stuff in one hit.
This morning I got a phone call saying “The TV’s stopped working I’m sick of this one get me a new one and make it white”.  She said it much more lady like than that.  The only white one was a Bang and Olufsen starting at 13k and heading towards 26k.  It was all ordered and ready to be shipped from Melbourne for her, when her Christian guilt kicked in and she decided that it was simply to extravagant, which I am glad because excess like that make me sick, even if it is fun to write about.  The children in Africa can rest assured the checks are still coming children, your whole village will be educated and have clean water.  Thanks Mosman Lady.
This isn’t actually the most extravagant purchase I have been witness to I went to The Ferrari show room with a Dr. friend who was on a mission to buy a second hand one ($220,000) before tax time on orders from his accountant, and we walked out with a new one instead ($450,000), cash……. Ops.
We were sitting at the Bondi Junction David Jones oyster bar afterwards being generally fabulous and gregarious, with the other Eastern Suburb dandies drinking champers at 3pm in afternoon and laughing and carrying on when this yummy grandma wanted to part of our fun so she asked me “what have you been up to darling?” “We just bought a Ferrari” I said and seeing as I look nothing like the good Dr. I couldn’t possibly have been his son due to two different skin colors, and the Grandma must have mistaken me for a Hooker and said “well make sure he buys you something nice too, like a nice Tiffany’s tennis bracelet, get him to leave it on the passenger seat for you.” She said with a wink. I tried to stop my jaw from dropping, it was so funny.  I never told the Dr. what had just happened as he was too busy discussing consult fees with another plastic surgeon he knew that was sitting at the oyster bar as well.


I have been anxious lately and I can put it down to a few things.  50% too much coffee, 50% things are going well and it scares the bjesus out of me when things are going well as it usually means I’m in for a crash because in my life bad follows good like clockwork.  One wise soul once told me the more you have the more you have to lose and that’s why some executives crash and burn because they can’t handle the thought of losing it all so they just check out instead.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

I Just Want To Be Surrounded By Beautiful Gorgeous Things

“We’ll start with a light lunch at either Daphne’s or Quarges’, followed by spot of light shopping at Harvey Nic’s and then mosey on down to Harrods’s for some late afternoon gorgeous nibbles and a spot of Bolly.  Sound alright to you Pats? Sound dam fine to me Ed.”

I have officially turned into one of the “Ladies who lunch”. I did sweet F.A. today and it was GREAT! Well actually I did quite a bit and all of it involved spending money, something I am very good at.  I started by jetting out west to pick up my new Jeep, and paid for it.  And then I felt the need to have a new ipod to match the interior of my new car so off to Apple in the city, needed a park for my new car and seeing as Oprah was in town and I couldn’t park out the front of David Jones in the city I decided to try my luck in the Domain and it worked, I got one right out the front of the NSW Art Gallery and I saw Oprah from a distance taping her show.  This hard day had taken its toll so I desperately needed a massage which was followed by a quick act of kindness helping out a family member followed by some gorgeous nibbles at Madam Char Char’s in Surry Hills, then a little test drive of my new car that I should add was simply divine, I don’t know why Jeeps aren’t more famous for being fabulous cars / SUV’s / 4WD’s.  And then the beautiful, hansom, talented, charming pick up truck lead me back to the day spa, only it was night now for some more treatments because frankly I deserve it, and more importantly I NEED them.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

I Want To Be Effluent Mum





This is the line that Kimmy says to her mum Kath on Kath & Kim.  What she means of course is “I want to be affluent mum”.   I feel the need to explain this as my blog is now read in over 13 different countries according to my blog statistics.  So I feel that I can no longer be Australian specific in my humor, or as Kath would say “my uma”.  Back to my point, I, like Kimmy, want to affluent and this month my ship has come in.  After years in the wilderness, like Mosses roaming the desert for 40 years, the tide has finally turned and brought in large sums of cash with it.  To be specific I have made $12k this month, in only my second month of being in business as a builder.  I can’t believe my change of fortune, as only a few months ago I was about to be homeless from being sick and not being able to work for a long period of time.  So to celebrate, well only in part as I need it for work, I went and bought a new car on Saturday.  A Jeep.  A cheap Jeep at that.  Beep Beep…. So as Murray from Clueless said to Dion, “Where you been all weekend woman? You been Jeep’n around behind my back?”  Yes Murray I will soon be Jeep’n around, all around Sydney.  And if my good fortune continues, and seeing as I am earning AUSTRAILIAN DOLLARS which seems to be the most powerful currency in the world at the moment, I think I might make the most our new found wealth and go on a little European grand tour next northern summer.  Talk about rags to riches in the space of 4 months. Mind blowing.   
Dion:  Hello! there was a stop sign.  Cher: What? I totally paused

I don’t have anything really to write about its just I miss writing so feel the need to post something.  I haven’t told my audience about the guys I work with.  I work some days with 2 hot leb and 2 hot Italian guys, and the other day one of them told me that ALL of them shave all over, yep even down there.  Not that big a deal really except they are all really good looking builders with hot bodies, nice faces and killer tans and now I can’t get the image of all 4 of them shaving themselves out of my mind.  I look at their faces when I talk to them and all I can think of is how hot it would be to watch them shave their balls and pubes and chest.  And when I look them in the eye all I can envisage is a silky smooth shaved ball sack.  To make it even worse they were telling me about this chick they tag teamed (group fucked) last night and how their ball sacks were touching when they were down the same end.  And how they could taste each other on her.  Mmmmm I’m beginning to think these guys are gay for each other.  They have sex together a lot, with a woman as buffer and they tell me things like how they like it when they are at each end, why? So they can stare into each other’s eyes as they fuck? Me thinks so.  I could tell you a few other things they told me but I’m afraid I will get an offensive material rating placed on my blog so I think I will have to keep it to myself.

View from one of the houses I'm working on

To other news, when I was at the house party two weeks ago I was having fun tuning a woman I had taken a shine to at the party and we were in the kitchen by ourselves having fun when my friend who had invited me felt the need to come in and announce to the girl after he saw the chemistry and sexual buzz we had building “just so you’re clear Clare, Cassius loves Cock” It’s true, but I’m more than a little pissed off that someone would come and cock block me like that.  What is it about gay guys that gets so worked up over seeing another gay guy interested in a woman?  I showed another girl some interest in front of the German Tourist and he felt the need to say “what are you doing? You’re gay!”  I felt like saying “what are you doing, you’re in a relationship, but that hasn’t stopped having fun with me” If a gay guy can turn a straight dude even once its seen as fun and all ok and fair sport, but if a gay guy wants to get with a girl it’s like he’s committing a crime and somehow destroying his gay friends image of themselves.  Why are they so insecure in their own sexuality to be threatened by someone else’s?  If anyone should be accepting of diverse sexuality it should be gay men, fuck knows we have all worked hard to enjoy our freedom.




Thursday, December 2, 2010

Greedy Greedy Greedy


These are the words Stanford mutters to Carrie when he finds she has a new gay friend, “you have a boy friend, a husband and now a lover, greedy, greedy, greedy.” He tuts at her disapprovingly.  It seems to be assumed that most if not all gay marriages / relationships of the male variety have an element of openness to them, if not straight away, then with time.  I’m sure there are some total monogamous ones out there, but I don’t know any and either does anybodies else I know, and even when someone says they are in a monogamous relationship it’s either early days, or you wonder if they know what their partner is doing behind their back.
Even straight guys I know get married then cheat on their wives, isn't that just greedy getting up in public and saying "I will love you for ever to the exclusion of all others" Isn't that eating your cake and wanting it too?  They are greedy, they want the girl so they say I love you, then have sex with others behind their wives or girlfiends back.
Without a female in a relationship to quell the male sex drive what hope is there of two men being content with each other?
If in spiritual and sexual terms, men and masculinity is fire and women and femininity is water, as that is how I have seen it described in eastern religion sexual awareness books.  Then the whole point of two men together seems to be the heightened sexual power and intense sexual energy that two men have.  Even when you see two straight guys out, they usually work as a team as it heightens each other sexual prowess in a club.  They are actually getting high off each other sexual energy, not that they would admit that.  So two men lead to higher sex drives; not that conducive for long term nurturing.  

But this is only kind of an aside because what I really want to ask is; is the concept that you can get everything you need or want from one person an out dated concept that need no longer apply in today’s modern world?  And is hoping that your lover will also be the mother of your children (already not possible in the gay world) and your best friend and the person that cares for you as you grow old, too much to ask for, and will it lead to disappointment? 

I read in the paper over 5 years ago that futurists believe that we will have less and less children and that one life partner will be more uncommon, and instead we will have several for different stages of out lives of maybe about 10 years each.  I felt sad when I read this as it seems like the end of romance and love.  But I like to be a realist, so is it just our expectations that say there is only “the one” and not the “the few”?  And what would it take to make society go back to one life partner and lower divorce rates.  Was it only social and economic pressure that kept people together in the past?  Was social pressure a bad thing or do we need more of it?  I think it was a bad thing.
Should we have a different person for each of the different needs and desires in our life?
After my last post (Designer Vagina) which happened last Thursday I went out on Saturday afternoon in Newtown where I live, the first time in 2 years.  After a bar crawl through a few cocktail bars, we settled at The Bank.  It’s very gay there.  I thought it was straight but it was as gay as Stonewall, well no where is as gay as Stonewall, but at least as gay as The Columbian.   I got a phone number and have been texting someone who was there for his birthday, I think all his friends dumped him, which has happened to me on my birthday in the past, so it was therapeutic for me to see it happen to someone else, as this guy is lovely and it made me realize that the nicer you are, the more arseholes you attract as you are the only one who puts up with their shit.
Sunday was a cruise on an all gay cruise on the harbor and the weather was terrible, raining and grey, but the cruise was even worse, terrible music and ugly people for the most part, and the hot ones were unfriendly.  At least it saved me a few thousand dollars going on one of those big all gay cruises on the Mediterranean, I couldn’t think of anything worse now.
Followed by a house party full of Sydney’s A gays, it was ok, but a little precious and they were not my people, they all seemed very conscious of how they presented themselves and it made me feel like everyone was walking on eggshells.  I have started reading “Velvet Rage” which is a book by a psychologist about the things gays do that fuck up their life due to the world not validating who they are as people; to be accepted as gay you have to be special at something.  And this is what this party felt like, a room full of very good looking successful damaged people with low self esteem.  The books first thesis is that under all the layer of fabulousness nearly every gay man has a huge level of hidden self hate, instilled in him from a young age as he learnt how to hide who he was to survive.
Went to bed early Monday and as I lay there wishing I had someone to cuddle I had my blackberry next to me so I started texting and within two minutes I was texting 5 different guys at once seeing if anyone would come over.  I didn’t really notice I was doing it until I turned my phone off and then I thought “fuck 5 different guys at once, am I a legend or am I terrible?” Greedy, greedy, greedy.
Ps. on all things greedy I just remembers I hooked up with a beautiful black man with 12 inches where it counts on Tuesday, 12 inches for when 11 just won't do.  My singing voice has never been better.  I wounder why?