Sunday, July 31, 2011

Turning Straight


No its not true! but a few have things have happened that well..... mmmmm could sort of....... well lets get to details.

A few weeks ago I went to get a massage with a mate from a place that had MASSAGE in flashing lights $50, but it turned out to be a brothel, who would have thought a brothel at those prices? crazy, well it was midnight and I really need a massage I was acheing from working too hard.  The hookers agreed to give us a massage with no happy ending, no funny business, it was sort of funny but the place was gross, it looked liked something from a Tennesse Williams play, a dirty broken down bordelo with broken down old hookers with consumtive coughs, mold growing on the cracked walls, cigarette smoke being sucked in through the heating vent and water running down the walls through cracks in the walls, and stained sheets that they didn't even bother changing when I went into the room, it was discusting.
Then last thursday we were in the city having dinner and I saw a sign saying "Spa, Sauna" we went in so we didn't have to go to Body line, but it turned out to be a high class rub and tug place in the city, my mate was up for it for a change and so was I, the spa part to the hand job, but he paid for me, and it was on.  Jackie, was very pretty and said "I was the best looking man she had seen in Australia, and she had been here for 14 months from Thailand" thanks Jackie, but she then asked me to marry her so she could stay in the country and not have to live with 11 other girls in one apartment, as she was wanking me off!  Something about her desperatness, was really off putting, she was working my shaft like she was whisking eggs smothered in baby oil, but I couldn't get there with her begging me to marry her to give her a better life.  There was something very close to sex slavery to the whole thing, because she was desperate for money or a better life, there was no even playing feild like in the gay world, were all the guys are there having sex because they want to.  I still don't know what to make of the whole expirence, other than there was a whole bunch of naked guys all in the spa together, I guess they were nearly all straight in a place like that, strange, very strange.

Sydney Winter

 20 degrees, sunny, no wind and wearing a T - Shirt with weather like this in the middle of winter you have to love Sydney!, for people who don't know Australia, its not always like this but when it is, it rocks!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Dear Amy




What went wrong?  Its not really the right queastion regarding Amy is it.  Its more like what when right?  Not much.  She was so tallented, a great actress, a great voice and my favorite thing I like about her was she was such an original spirit, who can take looking like a tragic briken down drag queen and turn it into style.  She was so out of control I had begun to think that some of it was staged for media attention, if only that had been the case, it turned out this was one person the media wasn't making stuff up about.
I'll really miss you Amy, I loved your music and the funny side of you antics, hope you are in peace now, I wonder if we will ever know what was making you so unhappy?
http://www.pollsb.com/polls/drugs/page-8






Saturday, July 23, 2011

Oops


I'm sitting in a fab French restaurant on Victoria st darlinghurst and I have fuxked up a little. I walked in and there is my female friend On a date, i say hi but I can't join, I am sat one table awAy in eye line and we were suppost to go for a drink tonight but now she can't dump her date for me because he would know. I am fine being alOne I like it but it's Saturday night and I am eating alOne late and it is akward. I get on grindr and I am dissed and blOcked while my diner arrives. I hate being blocked and now my delicious dinner tastes like rejection and regret. Drink drink drink on an empty stomach, I've built an excellent buzz in French wine, the pain has gone and I am happy. Eating alOne and drinking to escape on a Saturday night, I have just worked a 70 hour week while I was sick it's no wonder I didn't have time or energy to Make plans, but it feels a little bit hyper real alOne being watched by my friend, mmmm not my ideal night out, but the chicken was delicious as was the wine I will be back with fun company next time, money in my pocket and your kicks for free, livin' life in the fast lane. I feel the need to point out that homeless people are walking by and the hot french waiter / owner is feeding the well behaved ones, he puts them On a table near out front away from every one else and feeds them, how Sydney is that! The homes and the elite sitting side by side eating at the same French restaurant, I love it!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Too Busy to FCUK


This is my favorite all time FCUK T-shirt slogan, if I get round to making t - shirts for my staff to wear it will have that on it!  I'm pulling huge hours, was up to 4 am last night on paper work then up again this morning! 5 am start tomorrow for a business breakfast in the botanical gardens, things are going well, I need to ride this wave of luck and mint some serious coin.  I'm sick with a cold, but battling on! I hate writting this, how dull, who wants to read about this Bullshit!  Sorry I don't have anything better to tell you, I have 8 trademen working for me at them moment across jobs and 5 are gay! how cool is that, unplanned mostly as well.  All my clients are gay well, its like I have created this gay little universe for myself, come home and watch Will & Grace and I wouldn't even know straight people existed.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Big News!



My day laborer just told me that he was walking down the street and some asked him would he like to be the new Aussie Bum guy for this summer, so he had his test shoot on Saturday and is waiting to hear back if he has it. I told you he was cute, I love stories like that I think Claudia Schiffer's story is the same "I was walking down the street in Berlin and some one said to me, would you like to be a modle? And I was like yeah sure why not, and with in a week I was walking down runways in Paris earning $10,000 per day, isn't life funny". She said, yeah life's a blast if your beautiful and hot Claudia!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Pay You Pay Me


I have just invented a new game to cement my image as a vapid himbo. When people walk past put a price on them to have sex with you. How much for them to sleep with you if don't like them and how much you would pay to have sex with them if they are way hot. Let me tell you cafe time is way more fun playing this with your friends.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Tall Poppies & Cream Pies



I had a little bit of a shock this week, 260 comments by people and I found my first openly hostile one.  Its ok I'm not annoyed, I guess I feel a little bit like Carrie Bradshaw when she becomes obsessed with becoming a "huge target", Sam says to her about her picture being on the side of a bus " It's like a giant size personal ad" well putting my private life out here in public cyber space I guess I should have known some one would eventally take a cheap shot at me.  I'm not going to draw attention to it or delete it, but I will address it.
Firstly when I use the term "A gay" I am being ironic.  The first time I heard that used on Queer as Folk I nearly through up, I find it the most repugnant discusting term I have ever heard, but that is why I use it, because I find it shocking to think that people think like that.  But then again, I have seen some shallow queeny guys with low self esteem who think in class systems when it comes to their own inner world, I don't judge them, I feel sorry that they feel that under valued  and worthless as people that they need to start a pecking order in their head withthem selves on top, and every one else beneath them.  I use the term A gay to draw attention to the lack of self worth I see visable in the gay community, with the expectation that people see that I am being ironic, but I know you can't hear my tonality, so I appologise to any one who thought I was being serious, I am so far from being serious when I use that term.  But I do find it interesting that the person who wrote the scathing comment about me, must have thought I was, is that how his inner world works?
I was also called a himbo.  I would actually like to be a gay himbo.  I have always struggled with feeling attractive, so if someone thinks I am stupid and vapid and hot, I would love that, because I have always felt smart, tortured and fat.
I was also asked if i was really just looking for myself in another guy.  I have oftern wondered would I like to fuck myself, and I think I would.  I really wish I could, but I can't so.... what to do, but I did think about this part for a little bit.  The comment maker thinks this is a bad thing, I don't, but am I wrong to want some one like myself?  He may have a point but I can't see what it is yet, maybe with age I will see the wisdom in this comment.
And the fnal critizim was that I was a typical shallow Sydney poof who went to body line and bragged about it.  Well I have no problem with being called a typical Sydney poof I have no cringe with that identidy, but the trueth is I know I am not typical at all, so it isn't hurtful at all.  I find that as hurt full as being called gay, "Yes, yes I am, thanks for noticing". NOT AT ALL.  It used to hurt to be called that when it was painful to be different, I'm glad to be gay now.
But for all the venom in his comments, I read a bit of his blog and I noticed bitter and openly resentful was his comfortable writting style, I can get dark with the best of them, but I never see the point, why spread misery? I don't get it.  All I need to do is call my parents if I want misery, there is enough on the other end of the phone to last anyone a life time.

But on a serious note, thank you for writing that comment, I find it spiteful, but helpful.  I thought I was a humble person, I know I can be proud at times, but I thought as long as I was KNOWINGLY obnoxious, then it was ok.  I think one can be shallow, as long as it is knowingly shallow.  There is no greater douchebag than someone who is blind to what a nob they are.  I thought I had had my fair share of hardship and their for I could be brazen about money, sex, status and other social things that have lead people to call me elitist in the past.  I guess what that comment made me realise is that life can be very tough.  I think I have had it tough, and I have, but to someone reading my blog who doesn't know all of me, they may find me a bit on the nose.  I appologise for that.  I am sorry, seriously, I don't ever mean to wave my life in front of others as a trophy, I try to celebrate the good things that happen to me, to not deminsh them, and I try to acknowledge that bad things as well, but not as much because who wants to read about pain and misery? not me, unless there is a funny ending or a lesson to learn.
About a year ago a lady served me in Woolworths Crownest Deli, she was middle aged not aging well, out of date glasses, and a big scare down her face, a car accident I though maybe.  She had some obvious difficutly talking and doing even little things like putting the ham in the plastic bag.  I watched her and cringed, not because she repolsed me, but because she turned to her co worker and asked him how his weekend had been, and then she asked another follow up queastion.  I would say this lady was brain damaged some how, but she managed to rock up to work, serve me, take an interest in the people around her, struggle through her speach difficulty, was probably in pain by the way she walked.  She seemed stressed by even the smallest things she needed to do, and yet she battled on with determination.  I would hate to work in retail at 44.  I really would, but here is a women who is fighting much bigger battles then me and she can do it.  There was something about the dignity that she had in doing a job I would find demeaning, she touched my heart.  I see people like her occationally over the city, they really bring me down a notch.  There is dignity to be had in fighting your own battles, every bodies' is different, no one has it all easy, some look easier than others, but who knows what they are hiding.  I can't stand pride, ego and arrogence, which I guess is what the comment writer saw in me when he called me very concited.  I can't walk round with faux humility, like religious people do, its so discusting, humility as an identity, I can't stand it.  I try to be guienly humble, when its called for, but "fun" is an identity that I find much for comfortable and attractive, some people arn't comfortable with "fun", they want people to be serious.  I find serious tedious, and it should only be brought out when needed, other wise hidden away.  The closest things to swear words for me are: settled, practical, and sensible.  Nothing rips the joy out of life like those words and people who live by them.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

You've Got The Whiff of Loser on You



The funny thing is that when you most need help, no one really wants to be around you.  The more success you have, the more people feel like being around you, which just sucks, because when people are really down and out they get deserted, I walk past street people begging and wonder, if I didn’t have people who cared for me, would that be me?  I think it could be.  One of the harshest things I have ever heard someone say is “She left me saying I had the whiff of loser on me and that it was very unattractive”.  Ouch!  Success is a tricky mother fucker, I’m not sure what I think about it ATM, although I do think I am noticing that a lot of things that people think are important I don’t, and I often wonder if they have way worse sex lives compared to me, do people make trivial things important and blow them out of proportion in the importance stakes, because they aren’t getting laid and it if they are, they don’t enjoy it?
When I see people living out of an organizer, everything planned and scheduled I think do you schedule sex?
I am finding how I view myself in relation to success quite confusing and complex ATM.  I think I used to think I would be successful, but I guess I really haven’t been, which I think I have found very hurtful, and confronting and hard to explain to myself and family.  I have had an amazing week, a new car, first employee, and $44,000 booked in a month, if was able to maintain this, which I am not presuming I can, I would be on track to be running a $540,000 dollar business at age 31, solely, not bad at all and I would be ahead of the curve.  I guess I feel that at the moment I am in the bottom 20% for my age, and I hate it, if I was able to achieve this business goal I would probably be in the top 1% for my age, or even higher 0.5% or even 0.01%, 1 in 1000 people who can earn that money at 31.
Yesterday I hung out with my friend who is heiress to a sizable fortune, I then got off the phone to another friend who is worth about 100 million at age 31, I then met my cousin for dinner and we went drinking together, she is 45 kg 5 foot 6, tiny little thing, the original L.A. lolly pop girl, head on a stick, Sophie Monk eat your heart out, you will never be as thin as my 4 cousins, all of them part heiress to a sizable Australian fashion house, not Myer of David Jones, but top 5 after those two, think Australia’s Calvin Klein.  I used to think it was great having all these wildly outrageously out there happening people as my true and genuine close friends, but when I can’t compete with them, it sucks.  My sense of what is normal and achievable has been screwed.
At this point in time I am finding myself thinking that bad luck, has been just that, bad luck, it is uncontrollable.  Luck, it’s not really in vogue right now, people like the idea of being able to control and influence our lives and destine, but can we? I don’t think we can.  I am becoming a believer in luck.  The belief that planning can keep us safe and happy, is partly true, but ultimately not true, it depends on what parameters one is working with in.
Kerry Packer the richest man in Australia for many years, only believed in luck, when hiring for key position in his company, he would ask “but is he lucky?” he believed in luck over skill.  I am starting to join you Kerry, luck trumps all other advantages.  Without your health, you have nothing, and other than living healthily, how can one control your health, it’s impossible, its luck.
It looks like my luck is turning, I would like to believe it is, but it is scary to believe it, because disappointment is a bitch.  44K of work will mean nothing if I get sick again and can’t do it.  Has my luck turned or will I continue to philander?
I have other people counting on me for their income now, not just me, the weight of responsibility is starting to grow.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Day laborer fantasy = reality



Thanks for trying to inspire me Jamie, I thought about it but it didn't work. I think $300 on a porn star is money well spent! He is cute. But I am banging this out on my iPhone so I think I need a medel for that effort. Today was a big day I took on my first employee today! I have 44k of work booked in for the next month so why not. I giving some work to students who need high paying cash work because of their visa restrictions. All legal covered by insurance and I cover their tax so it's not illegal. Busy busy busy with work, no sex drive and no time. I want my sex drive back but it's been fun being a nanna for a while. My first worker is a black sexy 6'6 foot, speaks French and we went to the same school, same university and lived in the same suburb. It feels like I have known him a while because we have shared pasts. This guy is fitter than Usain Bolt, I advertise in the gay papers so lots if my work is for gay guys, I think this model/ stripper/ day labour is going to be a hit in my business. It's funny he was up Front and honest and said " I need a visa, and a spouse visa is much faster. I'm not sure if he was asking if I was up for it but it felt a little like it. I kind of like His honesty and I am thinking about it, he is hot and I don't do well in relationships based on love or feelings, May be one based need is what I need to do. I am only in this world due to a married of mutual need, romance it was not and my parents were happier than lots Of others, so an interesting day to say the least.... I think my two knew sayings will be " fuck me like a Mexican day laborer" and " cotton picking good" I'm joking about both.... Please, I don't really think like that.