Some people hate the chase, and only like it when the deal is done, seal and delivered. People who like the security of having someone there for them are not likely to constantly be on the chase. I used to hate the chase, until I realized how much hard work relationships are, now I love going hunting. But only when I’m on a winning streak, I hate periods when no one is interested in me, rejection is so painful.
Fantasy and Projection to me are the honey moon period, when you’re in the thrill of getting to know someone, and the 42 different faces of Eve haven’t just been discovered, and you’re both still flat out hiding all the sides of each other that you don’t want the other person to see. In fact I think I am addicted to the honey period in jobs as well, that’s why I’ve had so many. Projection and reflected glory are two things I have done much of in my 20’s. Putting someone on a pedestal, fantasizing about wooing them, not thinking I was good enough for them, and then letting a reflected sense of self worth develop when then do finally through me a bone of affection, attention or even just tolerance. Thankfully therapy got me out of that cycle, I no longer only feel safe in other people’s approval, I will let myself give me some as well.
I sometimes only want a massage when I go to a sauna, but it’s hard to negotiate that when sex is the selling point of a sauna, but sometimes I can find guys who only want the same. I have a friend whose grandma gives her hugs flat out when she visits as she must know what it’s like to be young, single and looking for affection. The things we get ourselves into just to get a hug.
I’m a big old Samantha when it comes to orgasms. “If I RSVP to a party, I intend to come.” I love the big O ending, but occasionally don’t care, I guess everyone’s different.
I have been dating a German tourist the last few days and I can’t express just how nice it has been. His manners are amazing. He is in a relationship back in Germany, but isn’t cheating as they have an arrangement when they travel separately. I have only ever done this one time before and I ended up feeling a little bit used at the end, but I was inexperienced and have different expectations this time. I’m not cheating, he’s not cheating, and hey we live on other sides of the planet, so what expectations can there be other then to enjoy each other’s company when we can and let the good times roll while they last. It’s a bit like a war time romance, its feels intense because you both know “one of us could die any day now”. Except it’s not die, just back to reality when the holidays over. I find it interesting that the German_Tourist is so affectionate. If I was on a break from a 12 year relationship, that’s right guys you read correctly, 12 YEARS – unheard of in Sydney, I would have thought sex with strangers would be the focus of a holiday fling, not cuddles, I thought that’s what relationships are for. 2 days nearly full time hanging out, and he’s off to see some more of Australia, but will be back in Sydney when he’s seen enough. I got a phone call tonight saying he wishes he wasn’t in Melbourne, back in Sydney with me, it’s nice to think that maybe I am the best thing about Australia, well at least to one person. But hey what can I say, I’m like the good time girls of yester year, I know how to show a visitor a good time, and I’m not just talking about in-between the sheets. I love Sydney, and as my friends from interstate have told me in the past, when I show you my Sydney, it’s pretty fucking cool.
He has already asked me to visit him and his partner back in Germany, with a little lie of we met in a bar not a sauna. If his partner is ok with me staying then ok, why not, except that I really like what I have seen of this guy and if he were single I think I could grow old with him, admittedly based on 2 days so the honeymoon phase is well and truly still in swing. I’m probably playing with fire letting myself think of it as more than a holiday fling. As I type this I can’t stop my fingers from quoting Carrie when she finds out Burger has a girl friend “I wonder how happy they are?” Is he looking for an out? Are there problems? I’m only joking; I think I will only be able to manage 10 days together, spread over 3 weeks, that will probably push my limit when it comes to commitment.
i dont think humans can just "turn it off" like a light switch. so how do u "turn it off", knowing that there is another man in the world who mr overseas will go back to, which in his mans arms he belongs to. Do you ever feel like your the 3rd wheel by doing this? And why would you entangle into someone elses business knowing full well you can get 1 man to call your own.
ReplyDeleteim just wondering these questions because i find myself in similar predicaments.