How Invested Are Your Friends?

In the episode of Sex and the City where the girls go to Atlantic City for Charlottes’ 35th birthday day the sequel, or as Carrie called it “Charlottes’ thirty faux birthday”, this episode has Carrie obsessing about not wasting time on guys who come and go, but investing time in her friend ships which she is convinced will be the only relationships that count and go the distance, because as she points out women live longer than men. Charlotte doesn't want to skip over the drama that comes from relations with men, as she says “That’s life, that’s everything, I don’t want to skip over life.”
Carrie says “You don’t wake up one day with enough money to retire, you invest for your retirement, it’s the same with friends, you don’t wake up one day with friends who are there for you, you have to invest in your friendships.”

As gay men we are not famous for relationships. As a demographic I would think that we rate the lowest in successful long term relationships, in fact I don’t know any older gay male couples I know my friends don’t either, so it’s not uncommon to not know any men who can go the distance. It would be interesting to know who does better statistically between Lesbian and Straight couples.

So based on my own observations and I think social evidence women are much better at forming and maintaining relationships with large networks of friends. I know as gay men we are pretty special and talented socially and I guess almost a hybrid between male and females, in as much as we often have female levels of social skills trapped in a male body.

So if I take a stab at some rough statistics and hypothesize the reality is that 95% of gay men will never end up in a relationship that goes the distance, that leaves a whole bunch of lonely men. So if friendships are the answer and I think they are the only answer in this situation, how do you make sure that your friends are as invested in your happiness as you are in theirs?

Let’s say that girls are the typical friends of gay men, but they get married and partner off, they are always going to put their children and husbands before their gay friend, even if he is her best friend. Then there is the sharing with the husband. Straight guys are my best guy friends, I actually only have one gay friend, but it’s not a clever idea to rely on straight men for the level of intimacy that most of us need and want, as that’s not their strong point.

So I find myself at a place where I am questioning certain friends’ commitment to me. It’s not really their fault as I have just arrived at a place where I am cognitively aware of what it takes to be a committed good friend, not just a fair weather friend. In an interview I saw Sarah Jessica Parker say that she is grateful for playing Carrie because it taught her how to be a better friend in real life and I would have to agree, that the friendship that the four girls in SATC portray would be the highest functioning friendship group I have ever seen.
I have tried to educate a few friends around me how they could be a better friend to me, subtly , but it’s like water off a ducks back, they are not as invested as I am, and change is something that does not benefits them. Well it would, but they can’t see it yet.

So that brings me to my next question how do you make your friends as invested as you? Or how do you choose and make friends that will be?

This is VERY IMPORTANT to gay men, their friendships are their life support system. Our friends have to be there for us the way a partner would be, as we don’t have anyone else. Lots of gay men are abandoned by their families, don’t have children and have sporadic partners. We get sick and sad just like other people if not more. We have financial problems, sure we may not have children, but we also have to pay a mortgage off on one income.

If you don’t make your own traditional family, then how do you get your urban sudo family to feel as though they are in the same boat as you? How do replicate loyalty and “where all in this together” outside the traditional family unit.

This is a big question and one that has only formulated as I was writing this, so I don’t have the answer. But I read that nearly 8 million or 40% of Australians will live on their own by 2030? I can’t remember when, but it means that the quest of replicating the support network that families usually provide is something that nearly half of us will have to face.

Please leave any good ideas below.

I Shop There For I Am

Day one of correct diagnosis, and I felt like going shopping, so I went to what I realized is the gay oasis of the mid west, Rhodes and Ikea. I had noticed in the past that a few hot wog boys seemed a bit frisky in the toilets of Ikea, vigorous shaking of their willies at the urinal and general peacocking, and thought maybe it was a bit of a beat, but today while at the coffee club I noticed that lots of bi curious wog boys seemed to either work or shop there. I take gay Sydney for granted cause I live near the city but I hadn’t really thought what people who live west do when they want a little gayness. Go to Ikea and Rhodes seems to be the answer.

I paid one hot wog daddy a teeny tiny bit of attention as we seemed to shop at the same speed around Ikea, and by daddy I mean 36 with a child and wifey, and he was pretty good not giving into the attention, but the look of surprise on his face when he realized that some one thought he was a bit of alright, made me think his wife must be a bit of a ball and chain. He was very special looking, tall, athletic, with a decent face and muscles that rippled through his cream cable knit jumper and jeans, and yet he seemed to have no idea how high his stock would float on the open market. But later when I was in Rhodes shopping centre just outside of Ikea and he was by himself he let himself enjoy the attention a little more openly and obviously, it was nice to see paying someone a little attention can give them a little ego boost. I love hot wogs they’re such attention whores like me.

I went to Target for a quick shop, and while lining up a hugely fat white woman in front of me was buying Sex and the City 2, there was no way she would be getting any sex in the city, which made me think, were those 4 women her role models, her heroes? Are sexually loose Manhattan women really living the dream for overweight women of the western suburbs? What a novel thought. Is Sex and the City’s target audience, people who can’t get sex?

I'm Angry

No post about sex today, I am using this blog to high light the PATHETIC state of public medical care in Sydney. I could go into more detail but as it is probably boring to you all I will just put the letter that I sent to the Sydney Morning Herald and the Telegraph bellow. I wonder if I will get published. Health care is a hot topic, so I might.

Letter to the Editor

I have just been correctly diagnosed; well I hope I have after 4 months of hell. I have had 13 courses of antibiotic and 11 trips to the doctors and 2 to ER. I would like to say openly that I have been let down by some of the Medical community. My regular doctor at Broadway Medical Practice, you didn’t both testing me for anything even though I came to you 5 times in 10 days. Sydney Eye Hospital on Macquarie Street, I came to you in an ambulance and you told me I had had a panic attack and I overheard the doctors saying that you thought I was faking it for attention seeking purposes, because I was stressed out. I was stressed out, I couldn’t breathe, but not because I was stressed. The Doctor at Bulli Hospital Emergency, you told me that I didn’t need antibiotics even though I told you I thought I had a chest infection. I have finally been found to have a streptococci’s infection in my lungs and it was found in the first round of blood tests. The doctor at Darlinghurst Medical Centre, thank you for finding it, but you were incredibly rude and hard to deal with and the way you blamed me for the state of my health as I was burning up with a fever was not helpful. And you also blamed me for self medicating, did you not read the notes from the other doctor at the practice who put me on the drugs that you said were masking my symptoms, I read them they were on the computer screen in front of you. 4 months of bad health, I have lost 3 jobs due to not being able to work; I have been extremely depressed due to poverty and bad health and being badly medicated. To all the medical staff who were supposed to be helping me, none of you did your job. If this is common place in the Sydney public health system, you should all hang your heads in shame, you are pathetic.

Angry
Newtown

Something I didn't put in the letter that was interesting is the rude old prick of a doctor who actually found what is causeing my bad health, said that I shouldn't be using medical practices for my health care as they are only for "the 5th teir in society, the dreggs and lossers who have no money and who will never amount to anything" its nice to know thats what the doctor thinks of his patiences in a bulk billing practice. And just because its obvious I am not a street person, by the way I speak, act and dress doesn't mean I have money, I was acctualy amost homeless last month, thats why I need to use a bulk billing practice.

My Balls Over Floweth

To any of my friends who read this, if you’re not in a particularly sexy or curious mood, don’t read this, as I’m about to get graphic, not dirty, but graphic.

Jesus may have once said that the whole world would fit in the palm of his hand, but I doubt very much my balls would. They are enormous at the moment. I have always been very well endowed in the sack department, but today they are positively…. well I don’t know what they are other than impressive. No one has ever been able to fit them both in their mouth at the same time, and today I can’t even get them both in one hand. It may have something to do with the large amounts of steroids I am on for my lungs; yes I have pneumonia again, but only one lung this time….. yay for small graces, but I thought steroids made ones balls smaller, thats what we were taught at school in health and fitness education. I was also having a big dick day, I love it when my penis needs both hands to be taken care of. If any ladies are reading this, you may not know that a man’s’ penis changes size from day to day. It may be fully erect, but for example my fully erect can be up to 2 inches difference in length depending what day it is. It has to do with diet and stress. Coffee is a constrictor as is menthol, so any breath mints or cough lollies make it smaller. One Lebanese man once said that he couldn’t wait to fuck me after a glass of red wine, he was already big, like 8 inches and with a fat girth, but he said that after red wine it grew another inch!!

I guarantee you that I only went to Body Line tonight because I have been feeling terribly sick and unable to work, and BL is my cheap version of a day spa, I feel pampered and much better after a long spa and chilling out listing to the awesome music they play there. MR_Soul was there tonight, and I wanted to tell him that I had written about him, but attraction is such a fickle thing, it didn’t seem right to tell him, even though I talked to him twice , but I definitely wasn’t up for love making as I was feeling terrible and I have him on a pedestal at the moment. I don’t want to ruin it with medioca sex.

After a few hours I was starting to feel better and gave in and did a 3 way with a South African couple. One was black and one was white. I think this is the first time I have ever been a guest star in a relationship, and to top it off it was with ebony and ivory, but I was so bored. How over sexed must I be when I have just had two firsts like that and I’m bored.

After my day spa session I went to get some food and someone taped me on the back and I spun round and this cute young man who had been sitting at the bus stop had followed me up the street and said “Hi, would you like a blow job?” in the middle in the street at only 12:30 pm on a Wednesday. So ok it was Oxford Street, but am I really giving off that much sexual power that guys feel the need to fall to their needs and service me? Come to think of it maybe he was a hooker trying to drum up business. Either way I smiled in shock and delight and said “no thank you”. If he only knew what Olympic sex feats I had just been pulling off, I was exhausted.


Today is the day after Melbourne Cup and there is cool wind blowing, it’s so nice and refreshing and as I was walking up South Dowling Street back to my ute, the street was deserted and quiet, I had the first feeling of peace in the city I have ever felt in the 3 years of living in Sydney. It was as peaceful as when I used to go for walks around O’Malley and Isaacs back in Canberra in the pine forest and over the reserve at Mt Mugga Mugga. And as the wind rustled through the beautiful fresh green Maple tree leaves on South Dowling Street, with the street light making the leaves glow green, I had a comforting thought. The sudden cool snap made it feel like autumn had arrived out of nowhere and that there had been a change of season. And this feeling of a change of season made me think that when it is time to settle down there will be a change as dramatic in me, and that I am not being silly living this sexually free, I felt like I was having a little natter with God and he/she was telling me that the sexual freedom that I have been living and exploring the past decade was his gift to me. Other people get bogged down in things like mortgages and career paths and relationships and children. I have none of these at 30 and feel left behind some times, but I truly feel that I was shown how lucky I am tonight. Anyway it felt nice to be happy with my lot in life and not anxious about missing out and falling behind due to my own choices.

An Existential Crisis

I nearly wrote this a few days ago when I was still in the middle of my funk. It is a little bit scary to write about big problems while you are still going through them, its much better write about them after they are over with some distance and wit. But writing this blog, well at least thinking about what I want to write about helped move some heavy thought road block I have been going through the last weeks. It all started after sex with Mr_Soul. The super high quality has put me of sex with other people. I guess it’s a form of being in love. I know he is out of my league and I’m not about to try and track him down until my body is to a level where I feel we are more equal, otherwise the power balance would be too in his favour, I need to believe that I am as desirable otherwise it would do my head in thinking he could get anyone he wanted, and I couldn’t. So after a few unenthusiastic fucks, one with batman, and another with two French tourists, I decided not have sex until my sex drive returns, as its just to painful to fuck someone you’re not into.
I was getting quite melancholy and some of it was missing Mr_Soul but it grew into more than that. I had some big decisions to make.

1. After my stellar sex life the last few months with lots of hot fucks, I know what the view from the top of Sex Mountain is going to look like and I need more. Sure if I get my body into better shape I will keep getting more and more sexy offers but, eventually my looks will fade so it’s not sustainable and there is only so far one can go with sexual exploration. Sure I love sex with new guys, it’s kind of wonderful getting to know new people in an interment way, but after a while there is only so far you can go in getting to know someone through sex. Don’t get me wrong I have had a wonderful time and am very lucky with all the guys I have enjoyed a wonderful time with, but I need to make my mind up about a few things.
2. I have never thought I could date a guy long term, other than a few fucks I can’t go any further than that. I hate it. I have tried but I just can’t be interment with a man other than sex. More than a few times. Mostly only once. This led me to think I probably wasn’t gay as it has always been like this right from when I started exploring things with guys 8 years ago. Part of the reason for me writing this blog was to try on the gay identity more. I have never felt comfortable with the gay image of myself no matter how many people put that label on me.
3. I have much more ease being close to females, which lead me to believe that I would one day end up in a long term relationship with a woman, but I haven’t had a romantic female interest in over a year so thought there was a change going on inside me and that the status quos that lives inside me was shifting.
4. I don’t want to go through this life alone, I can’t make it work with guys and girls have been pissing me off with their selfishness lately. So there I have put it down on paper my existential crisis.
I would never lie to a female to get sex, and hence choose to live my life fancy freed in the gay world having as much sex as I choose without complications, just the way I like it until I want something else.

When you think you won’t be gay for your whole life it gives you a reason not to go through the whole coming out to everyone, just a few close friends who will take you as whoever you are because they love you. I have been trying to come out to Hot_builder because we have been hanging more and more and I would like to be honest, and stop changing my sex stories to female, so I can tell him the real male version, but the timing hasn’t been right, as you need a lot of time when you need to get someone up to speed on years of lies.
This has been a large part of my dilemma, the more people I come out to, the more concrete my gay persona will be and I have been trying to own it. But it’s just not working, not matter how hard I try to be gay, I just can’t make it stick in my brain that that’s the life I can see myself living in the future.
So I have decided that my funk is not about being gay at all, it’s I haven’t had any female romance, interest of attention in ages and it’s messing with my head. So to any readers who are gay and don’t know me I guess I have just come out…… as bi sexual. Sorry if that offends you, I know bi men are generally hated by everyone, especially people who like to see sexuality as concrete not fluid.

The number of times I have been told, “no you’re gay you just can’t admit it” shits me, I have tried to be gay, I can’t, sex no probs, guys are hot, but so are some girls, I just refuse to be a pussy slave while I don’t want to settle down like most straight guys have to be, the things straight guys do and put up with just to have sex is unbelievable to me.
I saw a good looking young guys walk out of a brothel on Friday afternoon, as I was working across the street, he looked like an AFL star and he has to pay for sex! $200 for an hour. WHY? $15 and I get hours and hours of fun, massages and sex with as many hottie as I can. Who needs a genie in a bottle when all I have to do is rub my dick and all my dreams come true. I reckon if more straight guys got over their homophobia, and by that I mean scared to be gay themselves, they would realize how much fun they miss out on. I know lots of guys are attracted to each other but don’t act on it as it’s all too scary for them to deal with. I by no means think everyone is gay, there are so many boring ugly straighties around, you can keep them, I don’t want them around, they are all yours ladies. Enjoy.

I broke my sex drought on Friday night I picked up a beautiful dark man who is the spitting image of Usher, and a DJ as well. Usher is a fav of mine at the moment, so it was kind of very hot to be fucking him for hours last night. An Usher came home with me after we went out to dinner and stayed the night. It was lovely. But Usher asked me if I could date him, I said no, as he is seeing someone else, I am not being a rebound or the reason to leave a relationship; you make those decisions on your own, not around me. Ps. I also know you cheat, so why would I want a cheater?
In case you haven’t heard the rumors the real Usher is rumored at the very least to be Bi if not gay, he apparently has large orgies in hotel rooms where the number of good looking guys to girls is high and he is not too shy in paying them attention even servicing the boys as well. That’s my boy, hot, talented and bi sexual, just the way I like them. The real Usher is in Australia ATM, I wonder….was it? I also notice that in his latest film clip he doesn’t once dance with a girl is that his way of doing something for the gay movement? Here is the link to DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxcBlU-yUoY

Any way I told The_Open that I took a Lover last night and that he was black, and The_Open said “ that would be right, I can so see you with some black dude, it’s so you, you always have to be the cool one with a hot interracial boy friend. No WASPY white bread for you.” “Yeah I know, interracial relationships are the ultimate form of cool ATM, I could pull it off” it’s true I have cool a factor that would make me an Usher work. The_Open the said “You know I never trust a girl with a black boy friend, you know she’s a greedy bitch, she wants it all, a big black dick and a status symbol” “What the fuck is going on in your brain? Did you read that somewhere or did you make that up yourself?” I said “I have always thought that” said the_open. “Well I think your fucked, but I’m going to use it in my blog” And I have.

Its All About Me.....Today

Today was going to be a good day, pay day, which meant I could eat again! And do things like go to the Sydney Motor Show. I read somewhere that when you’re trying to feel and get better, that one needs to take a day and do things that make you happy. So that’s what I planned to do. Got up early and went straight to the Motor Show. It was ok, I think I might have been too many times to think it amazing any more, but I had a very “me” experience. I was walking around all the beautiful cars with their shiny paint and fancy wheels when I saw a very cute guy in a well chair. He was amazingly beautiful and manly, with a tattoo right up his neck, Middle Eastern background, and lovely warm and friendly face, with great arms from pushing the wheel chair around. He would have been a real lady killer, and I think he probably still was, he was the whole package, except he was paraplegic. I kept looking around and I noticed there was a whole group young men my age in wheel chairs, some wheel chairs were electric and the guys who weren’t in motorized chairs, formed a conga line behind the one who was so they didn’t have to push themselves. Cute to watch. But all the young men had a look on their face that made me sad. Sure they were trying to get excited about the cars and their day out together, but all of these young men had been cut down in their prime, I’m thinking they were probably car crash of motor bike accident victims, but I don’t really know, and I think this was probably their support group. Being around all these expensive cars with the beautiful girl models standing next to them, was so painful to watch. Even if these girls would date these guys, the guys didn’t think they would be liked for them, just a charity date or freak novelty factor, they would never be able to afford these cars on the disability pension and they would never get to drive these cars with their disabilities. Suddenly these shiny cars didn’t seem that fancy, they couldn’t give these guys their legs back. I felt sick to my stomach watching these guys conga lining around the show, trying to be happy, struggling and failing. I am not the avoidant type, normally but these guys were too much for me to compute, especially on my fun day. I was hungry as I hadn’t eaten properly in a few days, and as I was lining up for food, these guys lined up in front and behind me, one of the men was very handicapped and made his carerer pick up ever single option on the menu and show him, and I kid you not, he said, “I want that one” just like Little Brittan, and changed his mind every single time he was shown a lunch option. And this is the part that is really me; there were no other table so the wheel chairs guys had to sit with me. After to trying to avoid them because it was a little too real for my fun day, here they were sitting at my table having lunch with me. This always happens to me, I might be at the most glamorous superficial event and I will end up spoon feeding the lady who’s had a stroke and can’t feed herself. I don’t normally mind, and two of the guys were very hot, one looked like a lebo porn star and another looked like a less tanned blue eyed version if Christiano Renaldo, but both were in wheel chairs. I wonder is this a sign? Or is it that I am just observant and end up helping people who need help, and other people are too wrapped up in their own life to notice people in need.

On a lighter side I didn't feel in particularly flirty mood even though the models standing next to the cars are paid to flirt. But I would like to to say that yes Tom from Range Rover I thought you were dreamy and if I hadn't been so over sexed lately I would have followed you to the toilets for some mid morning relief, yes that straight acting yummy guy in the white T shirt was into you but, couldn't quite be bothered with the energy that goes into covert flirting while you're at work and trying not out your self to your co-workers. So those strange feeling of attraction that were all over your face weren't miss guided, I was just drained..... in all ways.

Saab wasn't there this year, they are the only car brand that deliberatly employs hot young blonde male models, that all look like total prostitues, in the gay world they are called "Rent Boys". A few years ago I heard a straight couple walk off saying "those boys look like they are for sale" and I heard the Saab boys say "They say that like its a bad thing" Being so hot and desirable that some one would pay to have sex with you is the ultimate compliment, apparently.

Holden had the ugliest staff by far, I wonder if that was a marketing ploy so the wives would let the husband go and talk to the staff and Mitibishi tried to have hot girls but they didn't quite cut the grade and looked corse and chunky compared to all the other stands.


Later in the day I went up all the levels in David Jones men’s side and had a nice restful time looking at all the nice things and I saw lots of older gay men working there, and it got me thinking about the history of that store. My guess is that David Jones in the city would have provided employment for gay men probably the whole time it’s been open. Probably there was a secret code, but gradually men would have started coming out in the 70’s. I don’t mean to judge, but there seems to be an element of “The broken down old poof” when I see men over 50 still working in retail. No judgment on men who want to be there but I can’t help but think the reality is a little closer to these old men had dreams once, and in the end the gay life style has taken it’s toll, be it heart ache or drug or alcohol abuse or rejection from their families that has led them to a place where being very good a serving customers is the only thing they can do or handle. It was a little scary for me to see and I don’t put myself above anybody else and it makes me think, I might think I’m bright and wonderful but could that be my future as well?

Sex & Death

I’m a bit confused. Last night was “I remember House” at Ivy Bar, and it was amazing, as far as I remember. They had $10 cocktails that had at least 2 standards drinks in them and we spent over $700 between the 4 of us. I went there with Melbourne_Lawyer, Hot_Builder and Ripped_Panel_Beater. The atmosphere was amazing, warm, loving, caring and flirty, there was electricity in the air, Dan Murphy the DJ not the liquor store, was a great host and organized a great afternoon. We were all building a nice buzz from the yummy cocktails call “In the House” and flirting outrageously with each other and others, we were quite the dancers and kissers. We’ll actually I didn’t kiss anyone, but Melbourne Lawyer kissed Hot_Builder and Hot_Builder kissed a few other girls as well. Ripped_Panel_Beater report to me and Hot_Builder that he had his first man kiss, and that he didn’t like the stubble but good on him for giving it a go. I saw a long term crush and for some reason had the nerve to go straight up to him talk to him, we had never spoken before, but apparently I was charming, so he said, and he turned out to be a photographer, how sexy, a hot photographer, that is a major turn on for me. I remember telling him that he was my architypal gay boyfriend and that he had formed part of my subconscience, which is true, I think about a bit. I guess if a stranger said that to you in their opening conversation it would be quite flattering. Any way after I had successfully charmed the gate keeper fag hag who could have caused problems for me, as it obvious she was in love with him and kept a witty banter going with Hot_photographer for 20 mins, out of no where he dropped me for some other friends and I didn’t talk to him again all night. Or see him come to think of it, but I wasn’t seeing that well any way with 20 plus drinks in me.

There were a few hot girls who were married and their husbands were there with them and both had the same name as me, and yet I still flirted outrageously in front of the husbands, in the sober light of day I am not that happy with my actions, but at the time it seemed fun and harmless.

I hadn’t talked to Ripped_panel beater for a while and I had found out he had lost his phone that week, he pulled me aside and told me something very upsetting, he had died that week. He had O.D. on heroin and if Hot_builder hadn’t raced him to hospital he would be dead, it took the doctor 3 goes to re start his heart. I got very upset when he told me this, as I know he had been clean for 10 years, and a girl had asked for his phone number last week when I was talking on the phone to him, It turned out she was a junkie, and he had not been strong enough to delete her number when he found this out and gave in and used again. The junkie girl left him for dead when he went under and luckily Hot_Builder had been strong enough to race him to hospital in the car. Hot_builder is anti drugs so Ripped_Panel_Beater is basically only alive because they have a strong enough friend ship that he could use in front of him and Hot_Builder knew there was no point trying to stop him because he would just do it anyway in secret. That is a pretty amazing friendship. Hot builder had thrown Ripped Panel Beater phone away that night to stop him ever calling that girl again. I told him to get some balance in his life, stop working so hard, and that he needed to work at making a life that was good enough that he didn't need drugs to escape. He agreed and is moving to Sydney this month to build a better life with more fun and less work.

After Ivy Bar I joined a gaggle of 8 girls and to 2 hot French boys, who are 20 and straight I think but my sex appeal is burning pretty bright at the moment so who knows if they will be strong enough to with stand my incandescent glow. One of the French boy’s first name is my surname, and my surname is not common, he wants more work as a bar tender and my cusins own 5 pubs between them, so we got each other phone numbers. And I got one of the girls number as well she was lots of fun and her name is Jessica Rabbit. One of the girls got hit by a cab and two of the other girls decided that the cabbie needed to be taught a lesson so they attacked him, he looked like Santa Claus, a red head and a blond beating up Santa Claus, hilarious. We ended up in Moulin Rouge after being rejected from Hugo’s for apparent crimes in foot ware fashion, but while on the stairs I saw one of the members of Sneaky Sound System being kicked out for have a bag of white powder, seeing as the night is called “Sneaky Sundays” he obviously wasn't quite sneaky enough.... I would like to see how they entertained the crowd with no band. Jessica Rabbit bought me a drink, it’s always nice when a girl byes a boy a drink for a change. On the way home I got something to eat, and I was still so drunk that I bit my lip and chewed half my cheek off, kind of funny, but I couldn’t control my lips and every bite I took I bit my lip and cheek again, tragic really, in the end I was chewing like the talking horse Mr. Ed trying to hold my lips out of the way so they didn’t get caught in my teeth. My white T shirt is covered in blood and there is skin off my thumb, so who know what happened there, might have been my break dancing in the Rouge.

Woke up this morning hung over as all fuck, too sick to work, with memories of my disgusting “get your sleaze on” behavior creeping in around the edges and a strange crush on Jessica Rabbit. Ripped_Panel beater tried it on with a guy in front of Hot_builder, I’m working as a builder, and Hot_builder might be trying to let me know that he wants to try it with a guy as well??? Maybe. If my infatuation goes much further with Jessica Rabbit I might have to start a new Colum called “Bi Man about Town”. The straighies are trying gay and I’m thinking if trying straight, no wonder I’m confused.