Nightmare

I work up the early hours of this morning from a horrible nightmare.  Except most nightmares are not really based in reality, but this one was.  This one is very real.  I was in my mother kitchen and she caught me on my laptop up dating my blog, when she walked off in a huff saying

Gay man in Sydney, oh great so you are a pansy

 Excuses me is there something you would like to ask me?

Are you gay?

Yes I am, I say calmly without the slightest hint or remorse.

Well just so you know I’m changing my will if that the case.

Fine then I’ll see you in court then, I say

And then we launch into a shouting match with her sighting the church’s teachings as to why I was an evil sinner, and me shouting back all her flaws and what a pathetic mother she had always been, basically saying why would I ever want to live with a woman after the trauma she had inflicted on me.

Then I woke up in a cold sweat full of fear, feeling alone.  The sad thing is the day I want to come out of the closet will probably be the day I no longer have a mother.  So basically to fully embrace that open side of myself is the day that I choose that my mother dies, because that is what will happen, she will no longer have anything to do with me.  It’s a huge price to pay for truth and honesty and integrity.