Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Update



I have a new belief in love.  Im energized by my new belief but will it hold up to any sort of test.  It has made me realize I am faithless, and I want something to believe in, Im just afraid that putting my faith in love and someone else is a pretty weak thing to have faith in.  I am Throwing out all my beliefs from formalized religion and holding them to the light for their true value. 

A few days from the end of Ramadan I am about to find out whether I have been dumped in a very bad way or whether the guy who I feel in love with, who I thought loved me back, or he has left me hanging for a month.  If  I have been dumped I will be upset, but life will go on, I learned that love existed from this expirence and that was great.
If my guy comes back to me, I'm not sure how to turn an intense love into a relationship.  He didn't treat me very well by not speaking to me for a month.  I also feel that he puts me about number 6 on his prority list which needs to change for me to hang about.
But he has the X factor that I have never found in anyone before, I will miss him a lot if I have to walk away.  He says he wants to be in a relationship with me, but his actions dont match his words.  But our sex is the best ever and he is the sexiest guy I have nearly ever been with.

My coping stratagy is to get super hot at the gym so I can date a different pool of guys that I dont have access to at the moment. And I guess hope to god that I can meet some one who has simular great values as this guy.

I know how to attract hot guys with muscles but I don't know how to find love again.  I guess luck or fate will have to decide that.