Don't Get Angry At Him, Fix Yourself

So to catch you up on whats been going on.  In the middle of the sexy fucking week I had a few weeks ago, someone contacted me online to do porn for their website, I told my Bondi boy in attempt to make him focus on me, but instead he told me he had already made porn, and loved it! and is very proud of the porn he made.  So instead I ended up feeling jealous.  If we were sleeping together every night, it would be different, but seeing as it had been 4 weeks and no sex..... I was feeling neglected and stupid.

A week after that it had got to 5 weeks no sex and I was over it.  Talk every day while he was at work, but never made any time for me weekdays or weekends.  I was very upset about being rejected.  He then out of the blue made contact about a business matter.  We went to dinner that night, and it all come out, he is a massive druggie.  I conluded that he probably had been telling the truth when he said he liked me, but drugs just made him happier than me, so thats where he put his time and energy.  I was slightly relieved at not being rejected... but drugs are not good.  He really wanted to met my brother for business reasons, and I had my own reasons for wanting him to meet my brother, mainly to make my brother think about choices he has made in his life, persueing money and a stable older man, in my eyes not love.

Well that dinner went like a dream! I have never been at such a wonderful dinner in my life.  He was so charming and sexy, no hollywood film has ever made a movie with a scene as good the dinner I sat through with my sort of BF metting my gay brother and making that brother so jealous of who I was dating!! it was fantastic! and I found myself falling in love with him even more.  After dinner I drove him home and dropped him off and he sent me a text thanking me for letting him met my Brother.
I wrote back
"Happy to help, you are super fun to hang with, but I hope you realise I really like you, and I hope you feel the same way about me."
He never replied at all.

I made up my mind that night that I could no longer like a guy who was ambivilant about me.  So I did the ever so painful walk away.  I ignored him for two weeks. That night I started to get sick with a lung infection and I have been extreemly sick and my asthma has come back in a huge way.  The steriods im on for my lungs are strong and make me depressed.  So I have been sick, breathless, dumped and depressed.... a pretty shit combination.
I was so sick I became delirious, and had a very vivid vision with him with me at my time of death, the message being take him seriously he will stick by you for 50 years and not desert you.  When I woke from my vision I gave in and texted "how you been?" to him.  He orgaised for us to meet up straight way the next night.  I was happy to be seeing him again, and I had been having massive 4 hour coughing fits every day.  When I left his apartment the next morning I realised we had been in bed together for 11 hours and I hadn't coughed once...... I was totally shocked at this.  Was he possibly really that good for me.
He made more of an effort and asked me to see him again soon.  If he means it, that will be a first, and sign i think he is starting to have feelings for me.
I think maybe I can see love in his eyes for me.... Im not sure, and time will tell.... so im giving him another chance, I am going to make sure I present myself as a catch and the prize this time, because last time I was so shocked a hottie liked me I put all me energy into what I wanted from him, not what I could offer him.  I REALLY hope we work out, but there is a good chance he will choose drugs over me, or even just loose interest again, as I think he has a very limited love brain, but I hope it grows for me.  On his fridge he had stuck "Love is Greater than Money" I hope that is truely what he believes and wants.

Strange Week

Well its been a strange week. It started with a mid week hook up with a high shool teacher who told me I was the best he had ever had fuck him, nice words, I didn't like him but, he has since been persuing me, the school teacher is chasing me..... lol. That same night a lebo personal trainer came over and sucked another load out of my cock and left. The next night a guy I have talked to for a long time as a friend on Grindr, he a super hot personal trainer from Kings Cross, suddenly decided that I was hot property and organized a meet up. I said "for coffee you mean?" no for sex silly, he said, oh I was shocked at my sudden raise of status in his eyes, and met him at Body line for a fuck, well several actually, he is a total bottom and into rape fantasy so I fucked him as hard as I possibly could for as long as I could and when we emerged a few hours later from our room there were at least 20 guys gathered around our room who had been watching or listening to us and started following us around. We showered together. The PT said to me "look you have a fan club" I said I think they might be for you. But he was right they were for me and follwed me around like I was the pide piper, I went into a room with the hottest one, a 6.3 French tourist with a big one. I was so fucked out from before I just had to bend over and cop it, cause my dick wasn't working any more. Its funny I think they must have been thinking that cause I could get a guy like the PT I must have been one hell of a fuck!!
I had dinner cooked for me by another leb guy I had no feelings for on FRiday night out west and Saturday night I broke in a 34 year old Leb guy visiting back from the mines in WA. He had a hot mate lieing on a matress on the floor of the lounge room of the hotel. I realised it was one of the frist grade West Coast egales players, who apprently like to play with guys, but the leb guy refused to let him join in because he was his flat mate....... BIG BOOOOO to that! The Leb guy was a big tough biker guy with Tatts and had been engaged before, and now at 34 had decided he was gay. It was fucking hot! after I popped his cherry, he decided that it was his turn and he was coked off his head and he fucked me for 2 hours! it hurt so much but he was fucking good at it so I had to let him go for it!

I didnt feel a thing for any of these guys despit their hottest factor. My Bondi Boy has my heart and I want it back!

Umm Limbo or Hell?

 

 

Some more pics of my guys porn twin, mmmm this just what he looks like as I make love with him. 

But in more sober news, I have zero idea what is going on between us.  We haven't seen each other in a month, but we talk every day??? what the fuck is that.  He isnt making time for me or any effort.  So its deffintaly all me.  My friends say dump him!! dump the fucker, he is a fuck wit!! he makes you feel like shit about yourself get ride of him!!  But on the plus side i have all ready lost 6 kg in 2 weeks, so his infulence on me is good, very good on some level.  I have had my whole life to get my weight and body image issues fixed and I never have, now I am doing something about it, a lot about it.
I talked to an old gay guy about us, he was very positive about us, apart from his drug use and him not making time for me.  But as he said, if I really do think he is the one, you put the work in, you give it 4 or 6 months to see if he can develop a relationship brain.  He is 2 years younger than me, my relationship brain only kicked in the first time at 31, and mid 32, maybe he needs some time to develop those feelings towards me.
I got myself to the point where I think, he does really like me he just likes being single, can't hate him for that, he is just being honest.  It hurts like crazy, but the main problem is that he is very good looking and im over weight, so he can find any one, and I can't my pool is very limited, hot guys who like big guys.

So we limp on, or I should say I limp on, and today I walked into a bar in the afternoon and he was there with all his mates, proberly coked off their heads, and I was alone, no friends would come and join me.  I couldn't go up to him, so I watched for a little bit, and left, he was looking like shit, which kind of made me feel a little better because now I know I will be hotter than him when im slim, but the feelings, oh the feelings, I felt terrible, what could it be?  I think it is so many things wrapped up into one, im on diet pills so I am anxious, and not eating.  to see the guy I want and not to get to touch him and hold him killed me.  My friends not being there for me.  Feeling lonely from working a 70 hour week.  But mainly, the feelings he had for me, where did they go? could he really have faked what we felt? it really scares me to think he could have.  Its so rare to find some one I like, so thats why I can't walk away from it.  How can he walk away from what we had that was so nice?? it kills me to think that that specialness has dissappeared.  One of the best expirences of my life, now doesn't exist?? how is that possible?
There may be some one better out there than him, it could be possible, I have to believe it is, but what we had was so amazing im not wishing for more or better because I dont see how its possible.  Its like I have become invisible to him, it could be the drugs, but how do I walk away from my peak expirence of love in my life?

HOT!!

http://www.givemegay.com/130693/hot-hunks-enjoy-arab-sex-fantasy.html?wmid=12&sid=0

This movie looks like me and my guy haveing sex, so I thought id share

The Fattie Stratagie

To get you up to speed the guy I was seeing, lets call him ramadan guy, my friends do, didn't come through, he never remade contact, which was harsh and nasty and would have been painful except around the end of ramadan I had a week of super hot fucks, the hottest of which, is in the top three hottest guys I have ever been with, and is in my top 20 hottest guys in Sydney.
We had been chatting on Grindr every night for three weeks and he kept booty calling me late on Sunday nights, I kept saying no, I finaly gave in and am I glad I did.  We fucked from 1:30 am on Monday morning through to 7:30 am that morning!  We had both blown at least 7 times and we had amazing sex.  He then ignored me for a few days, and I thought he was the type of guy I thought he was.  He then remade contact and we had a proper date the next week and I slept over on a Monday night.  We have great sex and intamacy, but he was not friendly or pleasant out of bed.  Not sure what to make of him, I thougth he was an hot arse hole, and I had no idea why he was fucking around with me, looking as over weight as I am atm.  We had a our first fight when I asked him to show some commitment.  We got over it and he came back stronger.  I had my brothers hugh fuck off mansion in the city all last weekend and we fucked all over his house all weekend.  I saw the first sign of attactment from him if ever so weak.  In lots of ways he is the best guy I have ever been with.  But only in some.  It took me a day and a half to process that weekend together and I came up trumps!!  I had him figured out and I was happy with what I saw.  He is one of those real trophy guys.  He told me a few things about himself which I wont repeat on here.  We text all day long every day, some times 40 or 50 a day.  We cuddle in each others arms all night long, he will never let me go, I love it.  When we do talk its interesting, but we don't talk very much.
I am so over weight at the moment 127kg!  And he used to be one Sydney's top strippers.  Huge miss match.  I know I am a nice guy, and a very decent fuck, he is bottom only.  I make a big effort with him.
So here are some of the stories I have told myself to keep myself calm while dating him.
I am a good looking guy, if I was able to loose the weight I would be more of a catch then him.
It would be nice if we worked out then I could honestly say he liked me before I was hot.
He told me is very impressed with me, and impressed that I put up with his High Matience ways, including coking off his head the first night we met, not that he would addmitt it for 3 weeks.
Last week we were up to a stage where we were playing a game called " You pretend im not fat and Ill pretend you are not an arse hole".  It works for us.  Not that we called it that, its just what I think was going on.
He motivates me, Ive been to the gym every day for a week and he is a carb nazi, so he helps me with my diet as well, only when I ask for help.
I asked him to show me a bit more possitive feed back, he told me he liked me and to work out in my own head that he did.  It took a day, but then I got it.  He does like me.  Fucking and sleep over is his way of showing love, I do it verbaly, he doesnt.
He is being clever, I am one of the best catches in Sydney, but I am over weight, maybe he can see that, and is a good enough guy to help be become the guy I have always wanted to be.  He does love me, he can see I don't love myself and is helping me become the guy that I can love too.  I am impressed because he is prepare to stick around for a work in progress, not after someone who is perfect already.
I am so happy.  Life is so good.

Subversion

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Army Boys, Israeli Porn

http://gayfuck.tv/army-boys_33080.html

Update

I have a new belief in love.  Im energized by my new belief but will it hold up to any sort of test.  It has made me realize I am faithless, and I want something to believe in, Im just afraid that putting my faith in love and someone else is a pretty weak thing to have faith in.  I am Throwing out all my beliefs from formalized religion and holding them to the light for their true value. 

A few days from the end of Ramadan I am about to find out whether I have been dumped in a very bad way or whether the guy who I feel in love with, who I thought loved me back, or he has left me hanging for a month.  If  I have been dumped I will be upset, but life will go on, I learned that love existed from this expirence and that was great.
If my guy comes back to me, I'm not sure how to turn an intense love into a relationship.  He didn't treat me very well by not speaking to me for a month.  I also feel that he puts me about number 6 on his prority list which needs to change for me to hang about.
But he has the X factor that I have never found in anyone before, I will miss him a lot if I have to walk away.  He says he wants to be in a relationship with me, but his actions dont match his words.  But our sex is the best ever and he is the sexiest guy I have nearly ever been with.

My coping stratagy is to get super hot at the gym so I can date a different pool of guys that I dont have access to at the moment. And I guess hope to god that I can meet some one who has simular great values as this guy.

I know how to attract hot guys with muscles but I don't know how to find love again.  I guess luck or fate will have to decide that.

Love Poisoned

Lying on the couch again unable to move, with yet another day of oxytocin poisoning ( or brain love chemicals I am told they are called) I am debilitated and have decided that writing a poem about the love that I feel is about the only thing I can manage to do today.

Sara sang:  When you build your house, then please call me, call me!

And another sang:  we have both worked hard to build this life, that we can call our own

But neither of these are really true for us, because we have both worked very hard to get ourselves to this point where we are ready for love and each other.

We have both built our lives to a point where we can be good for each other, our lamps have been burning through the night to attract one another, and now we can build our house together, and we can build a life that other people have gone out of their way to stop us from doing, but we can hold our head up high and be proud, because we beat the odds, we found love, and our life together is our testament of what our love was able to build.

Love Is Dangerous

 

When you are in love, and depending on what day you choose to write about it, will determine what the story you tell will be. I haven’t written about the guy I am seeing (attempting to see) for a few weeks and every day has been a roller coaster of emotions. To keep this love story accurate a time line is probably best.

I saw his photos on Grindr and talked to him on the phone while he was at work, and three day latter we met in person , he met at the door in pink playboy bunny underwear with a jock strap on underneath them, We kissed and we fucking on the lounge room floor of his apartment within 2 minutes. 5 hours later I emerged in a fuck haze and went to eat some lebo chicken at El Jannah in Granville at 11pm. Sitting at the table across from me were 5 super studly lebo first grade football players who were all eye fucking the shit of me from their table, all wearing their training skins, I was so into them, but confused. If I like the guy I had just cum 5 times with, and desperate to see him again, and he was much better looking than me, why was I interested in a table full of hot habbibi’s? Why wasn’t my guy enough? Confused, I left Sydney for a family funeral for a week.

On my return to Sydney he couldn’t see me that night, disappointed, I waited till the next night, and we met and had sex straight away again, on the floor again, even better this time, he sucked my dick so hard I came 7 times in his mouth in 3.5 hours. But it was his personality that I really liked, and as he cuddled in my chest in between rounds of sex, like no one ever had before, I realised I would never find a guy better than him and I could stop looking. No one is as sexy and as kind as him, sure those guys I saw last time were sexy, but my guy was the whole package, and into me in a big way.

But this is where the trouble started, I am having the peak romantic expirence of my life, and he is working 80 hours a week, 2 months straight with out a day off. Throw in his own family mini drama, and night after night I waited for him to finish work at 9 pm and to let me come over, and night after night he said no. I was devastated and completely questing his interest in me. His words were amazing, never have I fallen in love with some ones voice and the things he said. After a week and me waiting 6 hours in his area to see him on a Saturday night, and I still didn’t get to see him, he explained to me he loves me very much, wants a life with me, and isn’t looking for anyone else but me, he wants a life with me.

The good things about him are:

He is jealous and possessive of me, and I love it, because he does it in a nice way.

I am attracted to him more than anyone else ever, and this is vital for me, because I like the idea of monogamy, but think I will always cheat if I think there is something better out there. I really do think I am dating the hottest and best guy in Sydney gay or straight. He may not be, but I do think he is the best guy for me.

He calls me back within 5 minutes any time I call him, even at work.

He is religious and I know he has never been back on Grindr from the day he met me, and I Know he hasn’t cause I can see his profile, me meanwhile has never stopped chatting to people due to boredom, and frustration at not getting to see him.

He is crazy about me, obsessed with pleasing me sexually and emotionally.

So as you can see there are so many good reasons to hang around. But 2 Thursdays ago the tension of not getting so see the guy I am in love with, got too much and I had a mental break down, and had to go to hospital. I just couldn’t handle the frustration anymore. The Nurse said it was situational depression, and that I should try to fix my problems without anti-depressants. He told me, that I should never under estimate the stress that not seeing someone I love can cause, I had no idea things could get this bad, on top of this my business is going badly, and I need to get a job in a hurry, a friend tried to help me get a job, but I could even do it, as I burst into tears in the car park from the trauma of past bad jobs.

I am petrified of getting egg on my face from this whole thing. I am completely bent out of shape over I guy I have seen only twice. I talk to him on the phone every night for an hour, and he talks me out of a tree every time and calms me down, but I get upset again as the day goes on worrying about why he won’t see me. His family is poor, and he supports his family, money and work is very important to him, and frankly I just don’t compete with his work. I find it very hard to except that. On top of this I am unemployed, so I have all the time in the world, to think and mope.

I finally worked out what was happening a few days ago. He wants me, but can’t see me now, he wants me to wait till things are better with his work. When I first met him, he should have almost said. “ I love you, but please give me 6 weeks to work things out, I can’t see you now.” I guess he didn’t know things were going to get this bad.

Two nights ago we had our first dinner date. We were both totally excited to go to dinner together for the first time. He is wonderful! He loved all my music I played him for the hour we were traveling in the car together, this was great sign to me, because I was playing songs that communicated how I feel about him, and he totally got it. This gives me faith, if he loves what I love, he does get me.

I am calmer and happier now, but I still just want to move in with him and start my life with him. I am so frustrated by the lack of time I am spending with him, at least if he was sleeping next to me I would get to cuddle him and that would be enough.

Talking about my complete brain fuck that this has caused me with my neighbour she told me this happens to women all the time when they fall in love. Its caused oxytocin, and the brain completely fucks out when you fall in love. I can’t function, I am barely working at all because I just can’t, I have become a love vegetable.

I had no idea how dangerous love can be, I am completely debilitated over very little. I think society should talk openly about the dangerous side of love, I had no idea it could get this bad

Paloma Faith

Amazing songs!

Giocomo Ferreri

This Giocomo Ferrei, He is my favorite porn star at the moment because he looks like my boy friend, who is making it very hard for me to see him, so when needs must... Any way enjoy, his best film I have seen so far is called Subversion.  AMAZING performances through out... Well done Gio!  CAnt find any more info on him, does any one know more about him?

Mummy Knows!!

My cousin snapped this on her phone as my mother prowels the streets at night, some one has told mummy that I have a hot muslim boy friend and its Serious!  Aparently she is on the prowel around Bellvue Hill trying to track us down in the Range Rover.  If only the snob would leave the East and head to Parramatta where he lives and hence where I am visiting him, then she might have a chance of doing a drive by and blaming the locals, or at least a hit and run, but as long as her prejudge sees   keep her caged in her ever shrinking world then we are safe!!

sexy

Marriage proposal

My man told me to stop obsessing about him, get a job, and in his mind it was already fate comple about us.... He said I want a life with u. I want to marry u, we will have a life together, u r the only one I have ever let in my house. He said. Omg!!! I couldn't believe it! Not sure why he is so sure so soon, but I like it... I have deleted grindr and all the others to focus on him.

I dont know what to with do with my 5 free hours a day with out grindr, who knew there were so many free hours in a day.

The Number One

I am happy to report that I am the happiest I have ever been.  I have met the most amazing guy and he has blown my mind in the way he completes me.  I have never felt as though I have had my needs met and my fantasies forfilled as well as he meets them.

He is my absolut dream guy, a sexy full sick Habib, Lebanese born and bred muslim boy with a heart of cream custard so far and he cant get enough of me.  He sucked 5 loads of beautiful love posion out of cock tonight in 3 and half hours, he is so dedicated to me, and my needs, and I am so very attracted to him.  His body is so buff and hairless he could be the photo on the side of an underware packet.  But even more important is our connection.  Being connected in the moment is my number one important thing and he is so into me and sex and us that I think he is amazing, and the one.  I really do, I know that there will be problems into the future, but right here and now, every thing is amazing and absolutly perfect.

Bitterness

Being newly single last week I got back out there and had two dates on the same day.  Both guys seemed very nice on line, but when I met them they were horrible!!  They were both very affected 40 year olds who were using old photos, to show themselves in their glorious past.  Liars, and one was drunk, I left in a huff from him, instant block as I walked out the door.

Apart from reinforcing that the guy had been seeing was a very good guy, it taught me one other very valuable leason.
Have you ever wondered why middle aged and older gay men can be so bitter, affected and full of hate and venom.  I never under stood how these bitter old queens evolved into that person.  But I figured out that its sure despration from not getting their needs met.  They have been looking for love and not been able to find it.  Even my 3 week little love in was enough to recharge my batteries and restore my belief in love.  It was good what I had and I choose to walk away from it. But if I hadn't had that good expirence I might have become bitter.  I will no longer be quick to judge bad behaviour from old gay men.  I feel sorry for their disappointment.  It must  be aweful.

My new title track!!

Depatures Lounge

Its been 3 weeks and we have been sleeping over almost every night.  If I had written this on any other day you would have heard about how good everything is, but at the three week mark I have had a good think and, due to him liking me more than I like him, and him seeming to want to skip straight into a relationship, I am looking for ways to exit this.  I think it is not fair on him to keep dating him, if he isn't comfortable with loose dating.  I can't stand any of his friends I have met and he picked up on that this weekend and said it was a problem, its only a problem to me if he wants to be in a relationship, its not a problem if he is happy to date with out comitment.  Basically it comes down to me not wanting to build a life with him, I can't see myself waking up next to this guy the rest of my life.  I think he does with me.  I would never have spent so much time with him if I was serious about this, I would have had rules and boundires, and if he was sensible he would have done the same.  But because Im not really that invested I has happy to hang out every night, knowing it would end.  He has a huge dick and doesn;t really know how to open me up properly, which is a waste because it is rock hard all the time.  I guess it means Ive been a massive slut and am awesome at sex as a result, while Mr goody two shoes hasnt been and as a result wants to pair off, I could be bothered training him if was going to hang around, but i can't.  He should really get better at sex before he wants to partner up, its no good having your slut years once your in a relationship.
I mean we don't even have a strong friendship built, and our sex life is great as long as Im the top, 20 to 1, but complaining that I don't like your friends at under a month is a bit premature.  I don't like that he has tried to skip the dating bit and the building a friendship part and gone straight for commitment, it seems a bit needy some how.

He is homly and caring and cooks and we cuddle so well in bed.  We like the same things and one of the shows we have been watching is Miss Marpel, its been nice to have some type of grounded home life in Sydney, I never have the past 5 years, but at the same time a good cup of tea just isn't a good enough reason to stay with some one for.  I feel I am giving up all my other dreams and ambitions just to have a homely guy.  Its nice to watch Jane Marpel solve those murder mysteries from the comfort of my cosey couch, but there is still a big part of Patsy Stone in me who said to Eddie "Eddie just shoot me if I ever ask for a cup of tea"  There is more adventure in me then a comfortable home life, its enough for a lot of people..... just not me.

Good To Be Gay

I meet two high quality guys in one week, and have been flat out dating, unable to pick between the two.  Not really my style to date two guys at one time, but due to a lack of any quality canditades this year, I am not willing to let either one go untill I know them both better,  I think I have made have made my mind up, but either could annoy me very quickly.

Love Out Sourced

As women entered the work force more and more house hold taskes have been out sourced, take away food, house cleaning, child care, dog walking,

If you break down a relationship there are many parts to it, sex, love, careing, sharing, children, finacial, status and social and religious respectability.

If we go, its ok to choose to spend you life loving another man, then is it also ok to out source the different needs you have.

Sex you get it from one or many, and how many other needs are met by someone else?

So bored

It's 4 am I'm in arq on a Saturday night. I'm typIng this out on my iPhone baecause of boredom. Been in a rut now for a few weeks and decided to pretent I will be dead in a mOnth as way to increase my lust for life. If I think I won't be around soon will life seem more fun and valuable? Yes and no so far. I ran into my super hot portugese date Here tonight he is still not acknowledging me, so i do the same back to him. Pathetic bit hey I didn't start it. He was working out next to me at the gym last week and didn't speak to me Once in 40 minutes. The problem with dating hot guys, he is the hottest in the club with his shirt off and drapped all over some one else.... ouch that hurts, I want him.

Sad Thoughts

I was lieing on the beach next to something that looked as good as this on a straight beach and wasn't able to get his attention and a dreadful thought entered my mind, what if I never get my man.  Its not something I ever really think about, but think about it, what if I was to never get what I want.  My ego is in check in most areas, other than I shop out of my price bracket when it comes to guys, I can't stop it I chase after hotties all the time.  Never sucessfully.  Its pretty sad and I don't know what to do.  I had to delete grindr because I have been using fake photos to make myself look hotter than I am, and its all because I want to hot guys.  I met some nice ones, and now I am lieing to them that they are my real photos.  I felt so shit I just said by, I'm going overseas to Saudi Arabia, can't have Grindr any more bye, nice chatting to you for a year.

Dungeons and Dragons, Slaves and Masters

Last week was a funny one, finally had my first round with my slave.  It was lots of fun, one of the best nights of my life.  Being a master was so much fun, so good for my ego, I really was meant to be served in this life, it felt amazing.  Day two he was scared off though, damn straight boy, no follow through, bit off more than he could chew, so to speak.

Latter Sydney’s probably no. 1 male escort asked me to build him a sex dungeon for his domination work.  This guy is so sexy, he is the sexiest guy I have nearly ever seen, and so nice, I fell in love in an instant.  I have been chasing him for a year without knowing he was a hooker, and I am only in his life because I was able to do something for him.  Painful fact, hot hooker is an amazing guy and yet I can’t hold his attention, sad sad sad.

Next Stop.... Love

I have come to a interesting realization I think it is a good one.  I have met Mr right.  In fact I have met a few Mr. rights.  No there is no one Mr right on rise with this moon, but I have been dating flat out, manly due to bordom, having money and not working much and being a little bit sick, so I am on Grindr all day, chatting to 50 different guys a day.  Last week I fucked 4 different guys in one day, morning session, afternoon, night and then late night seating.  Exhausting, but had to be done.  10 different dinner dates in one week, busy busy, and some doisies, like last night, Daniel from BMW, yes you you cunt, you were the worst date of my life, you rude obnoctious twat. 
But what I have realised is I can stop looking, or at least know I have met at least two guys I would consider building a life with.  I haven't been able to win them over, they think they are both too good for me, but at least I know I have found two I like, well three actually.  More energy onto the gym and getting buff, less time dating losers.  Foucus on winners only.

Its good to know they are out there, because a week ago I hadn't met them! its taken 50 dates and 3 months but I found 3 I like this week.  It feels very good to know they are out there!

My version of "Isn't Ironic"  by Alanis Morrisett would go like this

Its like 10 thousand spoons when all you need is knife, its like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife
except mine would go
its like meeting the man of your dreams and then realizing you haven't been to the gym enough and even though he is into you and your brain, but not your fat body.  So he wont go on another date with you untill you can out hottness him and regain his attention, because there was a spark there.

Self Actulization & The City

While I was lieing on a bed in emergency in Royal Prince Alfred Hospital watching the fluid drip drip drip back into me to keep me alive last week, I had a realization.  Sydney is wonderful for one big reason.  Sure there is the beach, the great fashion, wonderful food, beautiful trees and garderns, amazing views, the most un affordable real estate in the world and normally beautiful climate.  But watching the Doctors and Nurses hurry about their business keeping people alive, I noticed all of them were about to clock off their shift and go to their other lives, the other reason they live in Sydney, sure they are ER dr's they feel important and well paid, but seeing as they were all from overseas, they have moved here for a reason.  And that reason is, Sydney lets you be the person you have dreamt of being.  As a city it helps you become that person with the oportunities it gives you.  Weather is sport, punk, gay, family, business, academic, what ever you scene is, you can have it without judgement in this city, you want it, you can access it.  On the path to self actualiziation, which it path to being the best version of you that you can be, Sydney helps you get there fast, stronger and more forfilled than any other city I have seen.

So thank you Sydney, for the best gift of all, a life that I want to live and happy people around me who are happy with theirs as well.  From the day I have been here, I stopped feeling that I was waiting for my life to begin, I felt like I as living my life, with pride and the one I wanted.

Pissy Week

Its pissing down rain flooding most of NSW and I have had a pissy week, my 32nd birthday this week had dinner at the Intercontinal at the Operah Cafe with my inner possie, lots of fun, thanks every one for coming, I enjoyed your company heaps.  32 = 8 years off 40! shit how did that happen?

Middle eastern potential boyfriend was put on notice that he could lose his high paying banker job with a restructure that is taking place.  He isn't that worried because he is a pretty grounded person, but he is upset about all his support staff that are losing their jobs for sure, and they don't even know it yet.  Only met him for the first time last Saturday, haven't seen him for 5 days and its really pissing me off.  He shouldn't have said all those things about likeing me if he was going to make it this hard to hang out.  He said he is taking a week off this week, so maybe things will get better, I confronted him about it today and he said he still like me heaps its just work.  If he keeps this up Im out of here, im not going to be treated like a bench warmer waiting for my time I get to spend with him, we either sleep together most nights, or I'll find someone else.  If he isn't sucking at least two loads out my dick a day, what does he expect?  I mean really if Im not getting love and sex from him, why should he expect im not getting it some where else?

Met some one this week who said he could introduce me to the 14th wealthiest family in Australia to be their designer for their comercial buildings in Sydney as they are not a Sydney based family and don't have a designer here... Sounds exciting.... doesn't seem rational to be so pissy then does it?

Diversion

WTF when it rains it pours.  A super stud former athlete for Australia with body fat of about 4 % just told me he loves me and wants to date me.  24 hours after Middle Eastern banker said he loves me.  WTF I go 31 years with being told I am loveable then I hear it from 2 studs in the same week.  Totally fucked.
He is now the CEO of one of Australia big companys so I am guessing  on 700k a year and he has children as well.

Stay focused, on banker, just know some one else thinks they love me.  Good plan Bridget

Love on the Rise

Wonderful news, I have a new love on the rise.  He is a 39 year old banker, Middle Eastern my favorite and confesses to be being madly in love with me.  The sex is the best of my life, and he bought me some very sexy D&G jewlery on our first day we spent together.  I have a new theory that if I can find a cock I don't want to cheat on then I have a good chance of staying in the relationship.  He has a great cock so big I can barely deep throat it at all.  And a lot of love to give I am guessing.  He is a little bossy too, which I am enjoying so far, loving and takes charge, thats usually me.

He is talking about a life together, and we are living that already.  Shopping for house stuff etc.  He seems really set up, loving and sexy, all pretty good, best of all really into me and shows it all the time and tells me he is.
My friends tell me how incredibly lucky I am and I tend to agree with them.

Slavery, The Good Kind

A quick up date on things.  I was really down for about 3 weeks and couldn't shake it, a bit part of it went away yesturday after an excellent interview for a big $500 k job in Wahroonga, which will probably make me famous if I get it because it is work for a famoous architect and the end house will look like Rose Sidler's Cottage.  The other part started to shift about a week ago, after sleeping for 16 hours I started to believe in love again and the posobility of being able to love one person, which I didn't realize I had lost all faith in.  I wasn't aware how jaded and warn down I had become by life. So with my new found enthusiasm for thinking that perhaps I would like to love one person only, something that has never seemed to appealled to me before, I set sail into life.

But only 2 days after my new belief in love some one off Scruff contacted me about being my slave.  He wants me to be his master.  So it sounds like fun to me, and I hope to start today, he will do everything for me he says, and likes to be humilated.  My friends sound jealous that I have a slave, but oh well.  Last night slave told me he was actually straight untill recently and has never been fucked.  So I have a decent looking sexy Italian straight boy beging to be my personal, domestic and sex slave...... I guess sometimes life throws me a life raft...

Went on a date with a famous male modle yesturday by my pool, it was a sunbaking date.  He seemed very uninterested in comparsion to the feelings of love he had told me he had for me over the phone the night before. Very up set at how quickly he changed his tune, so I phoned him up and confronted about him about his ficklness.  He said he was just tired and wanted to see me again!! WTF? really you just left me alone when we could have been fucking but you want to see me again? strange.

I Need A Win

Business is bad, I have no love life.  I want a win, I can't seem seem to catch one in any area of my life.  Jaded is the word De Jour.  Lots of sex, lots of dates, no one seems to like me.  Im being snobbed by guys who I think I am a much better than they are, I think they are nice, but they are not interested.  Is there no one out there who can see any value in me??

I'm a catch God dame you!

Who told you that? Your Mother?

Not even she did.

Dagerous Liaisons

I am in a pickle.  I am scared to put this out here, but I am sick of wearing condoms.  I am sick and tired of Macdonnalds grade sex, I want a proper meal.  I still don’t want a relationship.  So how I am supposed to have condom free sex safely?  I only just realized how dangerous I am becoming.  I don’t know what to do about it, someone said try the new zero condoms they feel like not wearing one, so I will try that next time.  Lots of guys must get to this stage.  HIV contractions is apparently most common in the 30’s as guys become less caring about themselves….i.e me.

How did I get to this place, no one warned me about this.

Furniture Store Fun

Went to Melbourne for fun last week and on my last day before my plane left I found my new couch on Chapel Street, and a hot guy started cruising me in the store.  We chatted and got a grab in the store when the stop attentant was looking.  I jumped in his ute and went for a drive to his house and we fucked I then trained it back to my plane.  Its been so long since I had a spontanious street pick up.... arhhhh it was nice.

Good Luck With That

Sorry for such a long break.  Life happened.  To get you up to speed with my little interlude with the opposite sex.  In Short I got dumped but she told me she is going out with a NRL player, I know him I have met him before, he has a big media profile, and is best buds with Russel Crow, and she dropped into conversation at dinner.  “sorry I have been so busy, the last two weekends I was on Russel Crows yacht”.  How am I supposed to compete with a high profile NRL player and Russel Crows yacht?? I mean really, who else has to come against that kind of competition.  I told my plumber friend, and he said “I told you you didn’t stand a chance….. there is no way anyone can compete with that, good luck with that.”

Video Request

Dear Sir, Please take a look at 306, a gay short film, written, directed & produced by Melbourne born film maker Elliot London. Please would you post it on your website and/or share it with your friends. Warning: adult minded. http://vimeo.com/32775696

 Thank you Hilde.

Slavery in Dubai

Taken From

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/johann-hari/the-dark-side-of-dubai-1664368.html
III. Hidden in plain view


There are three different Dubais, all swirling around each other. There are the expats, like Karen; there are the Emiratis, headed by Sheikh Mohammed; and then there is the foreign underclass who built the city, and are trapped here. They are hidden in plain view. You see them everywhere, in dirt-caked blue uniforms, being shouted at by their superiors, like a chain gang – but you are trained not to look. It is like a mantra: the Sheikh built the city. The Sheikh built the city. Workers? What workers?
Every evening, the hundreds of thousands of young men who build Dubai are bussed from their sites to a vast concrete wasteland an hour out of town, where they are quarantined away. Until a few years ago they were shuttled back and forth on cattle trucks, but the expats complained this was unsightly, so now they are shunted on small metal buses that function like greenhouses in the desert heat. They sweat like sponges being slowly wrung out.
Sonapur is a rubble-strewn patchwork of miles and miles of identical concrete buildings. Some 300,000 men live piled up here, in a place whose name in Hindi means "City of Gold". In the first camp I stop at – riven with the smell of sewage and sweat – the men huddle around, eager to tell someone, anyone, what is happening to them.
Sahinal Monir, a slim 24-year-old from the deltas of Bangladesh. "To get you here, they tell you Dubai is heaven. Then you get here and realise it is hell," he says. Four years ago, an employment agent arrived in Sahinal's village in Southern Bangladesh. He told the men of the village that there was a place where they could earn 40,000 takka a month (£400) just for working nine-to-five on construction projects. It was a place where they would be given great accommodation, great food, and treated well. All they had to do was pay an up-front fee of 220,000 takka (£2,300) for the work visa – a fee they'd pay off in the first six months, easy. So Sahinal sold his family land, and took out a loan from the local lender, to head to this paradise.
As soon as he arrived at Dubai airport, his passport was taken from him by his construction company. He has not seen it since. He was told brusquely that from now on he would be working 14-hour days in the desert heat – where western tourists are advised not to stay outside for even five minutes in summer, when it hits 55 degrees – for 500 dirhams a month (£90), less than a quarter of the wage he was promised. If you don't like it, the company told him, go home. "But how can I go home? You have my passport, and I have no money for the ticket," he said. "Well, then you'd better get to work," they replied.
Sahinal was in a panic. His family back home – his son, daughter, wife and parents – were waiting for money, excited that their boy had finally made it. But he was going to have to work for more than two years just to pay for the cost of getting here – and all to earn less than he did in Bangladesh.
He shows me his room. It is a tiny, poky, concrete cell with triple-decker bunk-beds, where he lives with 11 other men. All his belongings are piled onto his bunk: three shirts, a spare pair of trousers, and a cellphone. The room stinks, because the lavatories in the corner of the camp – holes in the ground – are backed up with excrement and clouds of black flies. There is no air conditioning or fans, so the heat is "unbearable. You cannot sleep. All you do is sweat and scratch all night." At the height of summer, people sleep on the floor, on the roof, anywhere where they can pray for a moment of breeze.
The water delivered to the camp in huge white containers isn't properly desalinated: it tastes of salt. "It makes us sick, but we have nothing else to drink," he says.
The work is "the worst in the world," he says. "You have to carry 50kg bricks and blocks of cement in the worst heat imaginable ... This heat – it is like nothing else. You sweat so much you can't pee, not for days or weeks. It's like all the liquid comes out through your skin and you stink. You become dizzy and sick but you aren't allowed to stop, except for an hour in the afternoon. You know if you drop anything or slip, you could die. If you take time off sick, your wages are docked, and you are trapped here even longer."
He is currently working on the 67th floor of a shiny new tower, where he builds upwards, into the sky, into the heat. He doesn't know its name. In his four years here, he has never seen the Dubai of tourist-fame, except as he constructs it floor-by-floor.
Is he angry? He is quiet for a long time. "Here, nobody shows their anger. You can't. You get put in jail for a long time, then deported." Last year, some workers went on strike after they were not given their wages for four months. The Dubai police surrounded their camps with razor-wire and water-cannons and blasted them out and back to work.
The "ringleaders" were imprisoned. I try a different question: does Sohinal regret coming? All the men look down, awkwardly. "How can we think about that? We are trapped. If we start to think about regrets..." He lets the sentence trail off. Eventually, another worker breaks the silence by adding: "I miss my country, my family and my land. We can grow food in Bangladesh. Here, nothing grows. Just oil and buildings."
Since the recession hit, they say, the electricity has been cut off in dozens of the camps, and the men have not been paid for months. Their companies have disappeared with their passports and their pay. "We have been robbed of everything. Even if somehow we get back to Bangladesh, the loan sharks will demand we repay our loans immediately, and when we can't, we'll be sent to prison."
This is all supposed to be illegal. Employers are meant to pay on time, never take your passport, give you breaks in the heat – but I met nobody who said it happens. Not one. These men are conned into coming and trapped into staying, with the complicity of the Dubai authorities.
Sahinal could well die out here. A British man who used to work on construction projects told me: "There's a huge number of suicides in the camps and on the construction sites, but they're not reported. They're described as 'accidents'." Even then, their families aren't free: they simply inherit the debts. A Human Rights Watch study found there is a "cover-up of the true extent" of deaths from heat exhaustion, overwork and suicide, but the Indian consulate registered 971 deaths of their nationals in 2005 alone. After this figure was leaked, the consulates were told to stop counting.
At night, in the dusk, I sit in the camp with Sohinal and his friends as they scrape together what they have left to buy a cheap bottle of spirits. They down it in one ferocious gulp. "It helps you to feel numb", Sohinal says through a stinging throat. In the distance, the glistening Dubai skyline he built stands, oblivious.