When you are in love, and depending on what day you choose to write about it, will determine what the story you tell will be. I haven’t written about the guy I am seeing (attempting to see) for a few weeks and every day has been a roller coaster of emotions. To keep this love story accurate a time line is probably best.
I saw his photos on Grindr and talked to him on the phone while he was at work, and three day latter we met in person , he met at the door in pink playboy bunny underwear with a jock strap on underneath them, We kissed and we fucking on the lounge room floor of his apartment within 2 minutes. 5 hours later I emerged in a fuck haze and went to eat some lebo chicken at El Jannah in Granville at 11pm. Sitting at the table across from me were 5 super studly lebo first grade football players who were all eye fucking the shit of me from their table, all wearing their training skins, I was so into them, but confused. If I like the guy I had just cum 5 times with, and desperate to see him again, and he was much better looking than me, why was I interested in a table full of hot habbibi’s? Why wasn’t my guy enough? Confused, I left Sydney for a family funeral for a week.
On my return to Sydney he couldn’t see me that night, disappointed, I waited till the next night, and we met and had sex straight away again, on the floor again, even better this time, he sucked my dick so hard I came 7 times in his mouth in 3.5 hours. But it was his personality that I really liked, and as he cuddled in my chest in between rounds of sex, like no one ever had before, I realised I would never find a guy better than him and I could stop looking. No one is as sexy and as kind as him, sure those guys I saw last time were sexy, but my guy was the whole package, and into me in a big way.
But this is where the trouble started, I am having the peak romantic expirence of my life, and he is working 80 hours a week, 2 months straight with out a day off. Throw in his own family mini drama, and night after night I waited for him to finish work at 9 pm and to let me come over, and night after night he said no. I was devastated and completely questing his interest in me. His words were amazing, never have I fallen in love with some ones voice and the things he said. After a week and me waiting 6 hours in his area to see him on a Saturday night, and I still didn’t get to see him, he explained to me he loves me very much, wants a life with me, and isn’t looking for anyone else but me, he wants a life with me.
The good things about him are:
He is jealous and possessive of me, and I love it, because he does it in a nice way.
I am attracted to him more than anyone else ever, and this is vital for me, because I like the idea of monogamy, but think I will always cheat if I think there is something better out there. I really do think I am dating the hottest and best guy in Sydney gay or straight. He may not be, but I do think he is the best guy for me.
He calls me back within 5 minutes any time I call him, even at work.
He is religious and I know he has never been back on Grindr from the day he met me, and I Know he hasn’t cause I can see his profile, me meanwhile has never stopped chatting to people due to boredom, and frustration at not getting to see him.
He is crazy about me, obsessed with pleasing me sexually and emotionally.
So as you can see there are so many good reasons to hang around. But 2 Thursdays ago the tension of not getting so see the guy I am in love with, got too much and I had a mental break down, and had to go to hospital. I just couldn’t handle the frustration anymore. The Nurse said it was situational depression, and that I should try to fix my problems without anti-depressants. He told me, that I should never under estimate the stress that not seeing someone I love can cause, I had no idea things could get this bad, on top of this my business is going badly, and I need to get a job in a hurry, a friend tried to help me get a job, but I could even do it, as I burst into tears in the car park from the trauma of past bad jobs.
I am petrified of getting egg on my face from this whole thing. I am completely bent out of shape over I guy I have seen only twice. I talk to him on the phone every night for an hour, and he talks me out of a tree every time and calms me down, but I get upset again as the day goes on worrying about why he won’t see me. His family is poor, and he supports his family, money and work is very important to him, and frankly I just don’t compete with his work. I find it very hard to except that. On top of this I am unemployed, so I have all the time in the world, to think and mope.
I finally worked out what was happening a few days ago. He wants me, but can’t see me now, he wants me to wait till things are better with his work. When I first met him, he should have almost said. “ I love you, but please give me 6 weeks to work things out, I can’t see you now.” I guess he didn’t know things were going to get this bad.
Two nights ago we had our first dinner date. We were both totally excited to go to dinner together for the first time. He is wonderful! He loved all my music I played him for the hour we were traveling in the car together, this was great sign to me, because I was playing songs that communicated how I feel about him, and he totally got it. This gives me faith, if he loves what I love, he does get me.
I am calmer and happier now, but I still just want to move in with him and start my life with him. I am so frustrated by the lack of time I am spending with him, at least if he was sleeping next to me I would get to cuddle him and that would be enough.
Talking about my complete brain fuck that this has caused me with my neighbour she told me this happens to women all the time when they fall in love. Its caused oxytocin, and the brain completely fucks out when you fall in love. I can’t function, I am barely working at all because I just can’t, I have become a love vegetable.
I had no idea how dangerous love can be, I am completely debilitated over very little. I think society should talk openly about the dangerous side of love, I had no idea it could get this bad
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