Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Bitterness


Being newly single last week I got back out there and had two dates on the same day.  Both guys seemed very nice on line, but when I met them they were horrible!!  They were both very affected 40 year olds who were using old photos, to show themselves in their glorious past.  Liars, and one was drunk, I left in a huff from him, instant block as I walked out the door.

Apart from reinforcing that the guy had been seeing was a very good guy, it taught me one other very valuable leason.
Have you ever wondered why middle aged and older gay men can be so bitter, affected and full of hate and venom.  I never under stood how these bitter old queens evolved into that person.  But I figured out that its sure despration from not getting their needs met.  They have been looking for love and not been able to find it.  Even my 3 week little love in was enough to recharge my batteries and restore my belief in love.  It was good what I had and I choose to walk away from it. But if I hadn't had that good expirence I might have become bitter.  I will no longer be quick to judge bad behaviour from old gay men.  I feel sorry for their disappointment.  It must  be aweful.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

My new title track!!

Depatures Lounge


Its been 3 weeks and we have been sleeping over almost every night.  If I had written this on any other day you would have heard about how good everything is, but at the three week mark I have had a good think and, due to him liking me more than I like him, and him seeming to want to skip straight into a relationship, I am looking for ways to exit this.  I think it is not fair on him to keep dating him, if he isn't comfortable with loose dating.  I can't stand any of his friends I have met and he picked up on that this weekend and said it was a problem, its only a problem to me if he wants to be in a relationship, its not a problem if he is happy to date with out comitment.  Basically it comes down to me not wanting to build a life with him, I can't see myself waking up next to this guy the rest of my life.  I think he does with me.  I would never have spent so much time with him if I was serious about this, I would have had rules and boundires, and if he was sensible he would have done the same.  But because Im not really that invested I has happy to hang out every night, knowing it would end.  He has a huge dick and doesn;t really know how to open me up properly, which is a waste because it is rock hard all the time.  I guess it means Ive been a massive slut and am awesome at sex as a result, while Mr goody two shoes hasnt been and as a result wants to pair off, I could be bothered training him if was going to hang around, but i can't.  He should really get better at sex before he wants to partner up, its no good having your slut years once your in a relationship.
I mean we don't even have a strong friendship built, and our sex life is great as long as Im the top, 20 to 1, but complaining that I don't like your friends at under a month is a bit premature.  I don't like that he has tried to skip the dating bit and the building a friendship part and gone straight for commitment, it seems a bit needy some how.

He is homly and caring and cooks and we cuddle so well in bed.  We like the same things and one of the shows we have been watching is Miss Marpel, its been nice to have some type of grounded home life in Sydney, I never have the past 5 years, but at the same time a good cup of tea just isn't a good enough reason to stay with some one for.  I feel I am giving up all my other dreams and ambitions just to have a homely guy.  Its nice to watch Jane Marpel solve those murder mysteries from the comfort of my cosey couch, but there is still a big part of Patsy Stone in me who said to Eddie "Eddie just shoot me if I ever ask for a cup of tea"  There is more adventure in me then a comfortable home life, its enough for a lot of people..... just not me.