Get That Man

I am sitting at home on a Saturday night waiting for my phone to ring.... how sad.  When I say ring I mean grindr buzz.  There is a particular good looking Lebo guy, who I have been chatting to for two weeks.  He ticks a lot of boxes, he lives by the beach, tick, so he is Eastern Suburb minded.  He works in construction, as an engineer, tick, so he is University Educated and butch at the same time, like me.  He is fucking hot! smooth skinned big chested, great golden honey coloured tanned skin and he has a really straight attitude on him, and I am thinking an ego and attitude in general, which is ok as long as it's not directed at me.  I have busted my balls trying to chat to him in Grindr for not much in return.  Last week he says he REALLY wants to meet me to talk about construction... Ok well meet me then, stop being so aloof.  He is 26, a hot age, and doesn't live at home, also a very nice change for a lebo guy, and only interested in guys with professional careers, well I guess he is trying to say he is educated and gives a shit about being professional and driven, also nice I think.
Today I say "Want to meet today?"
He has already said we are ONLY meeting for coffee, no sex, I guess he is making it abundantly clear he thinks he is way hotter than me, which he is.  I have no problem with that he is a 10 and I am several points down the food chain.  If I looked like him I would be a snobby cunt as well probably, well maybe a little more gracious, I never feel the need to be rude.  I am actually intimidated by his hotness, and would be uncomfortable around him, unless he gave me unconditional approval, because I would be stressing about when he left, I would never see him again, so friends is fine with me.
Then tonight he says "Ok lets meet tonight, I can't drive."
Ok strange works in construction and doesn't  drive ... mmmm.... "do you need a lift?"
Yes that would be great thanks, lets have a coffee in the city ok?
Ok no probs see you after dinner
So here I am waiting for him to text with an address so I can pick him up and go on a coffee date.
Any one I have shown his photo to, goes "HOLY FUCK, does god even make men that good looking?"
He is a real trophy.  And I am sitting here wondering if there is any way I can win his heart, and I have come up with a game plan.
I am incredibly honest in my dealings with people, because I love honesty, and respect people by giving it at all times.  And when dealing with people who I like, apart from being afraid of rejection, even if I like them more than anyone else, I have always seen flaws that I think "we won't work, we won't go the distance" so I hold back deliberately, and they can sense that.  Nothing makes you hold your heart back more than when the other person is acting indifferent.  So my new game plan, with this hot lebo, is I'm going to try and win his heart regardless of what my feelings are saying.  I am going to act with confidence, as though I think he is special and "the one" but in a cool, confident way that I can do very well.  I actually think it is going to work.  He has so much going for him / us on paper so I am thinking he is worthy of my first ever try at this new approach to courting.  I have arrived at this new place, because I no longer believe in "the one" so constantly holding out for him/her doesn't make sense.  And also in the past I may know that there is something that I don't like about a person, but when they don't fall for me, I am still extremely annoyed that they don't like me as much as I like them, so hence I am going to go after people all guns blazing.  Confidence really is the ultimate aphrodisiac, if I act like "your the one" and I can see us building a future, then he might believe it to.
I am also going to try it on THGIS next time we cross paths, if he will even speak to me.  THGIS may be my ultimate bottom guy and Hot Easty Lebo might be my ultimate top man, sorted already.



Well I am just back from a Grindr hook up of the causal kind, Lebo never texted, which I think means I was only ever a lift to the city, and he found someone else to take him which didn't involve acting interested.  That's alright, Mother is in town for a visit, breakfast at 11 am with her, then 12:30 shag fest with my hot mocca coloured bottom boy from Barbados, I think its really cute how he books me in a week in advance, like a hooker, I like it now that I am used to it.  He is so good looking I want to get serious with him, even though there is Hot Lebo and THGIS floating around, they are distracting me from focusing in the good guys I have in my life already, but they are also helping as they make me seem less keen, hence less desperate! lol.  I might try my laser focus in Barbados Boy tomorrow and see if it has an effect.  See if he responds to me acting like he is the one.

Below is a song that taps into what I feel in my heart, it is indulgent and emo, but indulge me.