To get the answer that I am after, I need the right question, and I have it! I finally know the question that I haven't been asking.
Problem
I don't like relationships I find them restrictive and boring.
I don't like the sauna life style as I find it leaves me empty and directionless.
So the correct question is:
Is there a third option, half way in between a relationship and sauna lifestyle?
I don't know why I hadn't formulated this before, but I have now so is there?
How do I keep the freedom, with out the emptiness?
No answers yet, but everyone would have there own version of what they want.
Is the answer for me that I haven't found the person that I want to build a life with, so until I do relationships will scare me, because it isn't the right relationship.
Neighbor said that Men want significance, Women want security. The two S's, but two totally different needs from life.
Do I want significance? Yes I think I do, well I use to, I am security focused now as well.
Do I want a relationship to feel and look significant? Is that my motivator, yes could be.
Is significance just another word for power and glamor, am I just a glamor chaser still. Probably.
But if they are my hot buttons, is there any point in down playing what my true motivators are. I think best to work with who I am, than change who I am.
i love that you are so honest and open about your thoughts. I have wanted to ask you is it that you went to saunas so often. Why you hooked up so often. In your previous posts, But I thought that would have been inappropriate given that you needn't justify your actions in your own blog.
ReplyDeleteBut this entry made me see that you are human after all like the rest of us. I used to go to saunas way too much and sometimes it isn't for sex. But I knew that deep down inside I was empty and I needed someone. But a random each time and unable to have a regular... that made my self esteem lower.
But yeh.. being honest about your true feelings have made me realize that we all have the same needs and feelings. No one can be a fuck machine and live a life without conscience.
Thanks!