Sad Thoughts

I was lieing on the beach next to something that looked as good as this on a straight beach and wasn't able to get his attention and a dreadful thought entered my mind, what if I never get my man.  Its not something I ever really think about, but think about it, what if I was to never get what I want.  My ego is in check in most areas, other than I shop out of my price bracket when it comes to guys, I can't stop it I chase after hotties all the time.  Never sucessfully.  Its pretty sad and I don't know what to do.  I had to delete grindr because I have been using fake photos to make myself look hotter than I am, and its all because I want to hot guys.  I met some nice ones, and now I am lieing to them that they are my real photos.  I felt so shit I just said by, I'm going overseas to Saudi Arabia, can't have Grindr any more bye, nice chatting to you for a year.

Dungeons and Dragons, Slaves and Masters

Last week was a funny one, finally had my first round with my slave.  It was lots of fun, one of the best nights of my life.  Being a master was so much fun, so good for my ego, I really was meant to be served in this life, it felt amazing.  Day two he was scared off though, damn straight boy, no follow through, bit off more than he could chew, so to speak.

Latter Sydney’s probably no. 1 male escort asked me to build him a sex dungeon for his domination work.  This guy is so sexy, he is the sexiest guy I have nearly ever seen, and so nice, I fell in love in an instant.  I have been chasing him for a year without knowing he was a hooker, and I am only in his life because I was able to do something for him.  Painful fact, hot hooker is an amazing guy and yet I can’t hold his attention, sad sad sad.

Next Stop.... Love

I have come to a interesting realization I think it is a good one.  I have met Mr right.  In fact I have met a few Mr. rights.  No there is no one Mr right on rise with this moon, but I have been dating flat out, manly due to bordom, having money and not working much and being a little bit sick, so I am on Grindr all day, chatting to 50 different guys a day.  Last week I fucked 4 different guys in one day, morning session, afternoon, night and then late night seating.  Exhausting, but had to be done.  10 different dinner dates in one week, busy busy, and some doisies, like last night, Daniel from BMW, yes you you cunt, you were the worst date of my life, you rude obnoctious twat. 
But what I have realised is I can stop looking, or at least know I have met at least two guys I would consider building a life with.  I haven't been able to win them over, they think they are both too good for me, but at least I know I have found two I like, well three actually.  More energy onto the gym and getting buff, less time dating losers.  Foucus on winners only.

Its good to know they are out there, because a week ago I hadn't met them! its taken 50 dates and 3 months but I found 3 I like this week.  It feels very good to know they are out there!

My version of "Isn't Ironic"  by Alanis Morrisett would go like this

Its like 10 thousand spoons when all you need is knife, its like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife
except mine would go
its like meeting the man of your dreams and then realizing you haven't been to the gym enough and even though he is into you and your brain, but not your fat body.  So he wont go on another date with you untill you can out hottness him and regain his attention, because there was a spark there.

Self Actulization & The City

While I was lieing on a bed in emergency in Royal Prince Alfred Hospital watching the fluid drip drip drip back into me to keep me alive last week, I had a realization.  Sydney is wonderful for one big reason.  Sure there is the beach, the great fashion, wonderful food, beautiful trees and garderns, amazing views, the most un affordable real estate in the world and normally beautiful climate.  But watching the Doctors and Nurses hurry about their business keeping people alive, I noticed all of them were about to clock off their shift and go to their other lives, the other reason they live in Sydney, sure they are ER dr's they feel important and well paid, but seeing as they were all from overseas, they have moved here for a reason.  And that reason is, Sydney lets you be the person you have dreamt of being.  As a city it helps you become that person with the oportunities it gives you.  Weather is sport, punk, gay, family, business, academic, what ever you scene is, you can have it without judgement in this city, you want it, you can access it.  On the path to self actualiziation, which it path to being the best version of you that you can be, Sydney helps you get there fast, stronger and more forfilled than any other city I have seen.

So thank you Sydney, for the best gift of all, a life that I want to live and happy people around me who are happy with theirs as well.  From the day I have been here, I stopped feeling that I was waiting for my life to begin, I felt like I as living my life, with pride and the one I wanted.

Pissy Week

Its pissing down rain flooding most of NSW and I have had a pissy week, my 32nd birthday this week had dinner at the Intercontinal at the Operah Cafe with my inner possie, lots of fun, thanks every one for coming, I enjoyed your company heaps.  32 = 8 years off 40! shit how did that happen?

Middle eastern potential boyfriend was put on notice that he could lose his high paying banker job with a restructure that is taking place.  He isn't that worried because he is a pretty grounded person, but he is upset about all his support staff that are losing their jobs for sure, and they don't even know it yet.  Only met him for the first time last Saturday, haven't seen him for 5 days and its really pissing me off.  He shouldn't have said all those things about likeing me if he was going to make it this hard to hang out.  He said he is taking a week off this week, so maybe things will get better, I confronted him about it today and he said he still like me heaps its just work.  If he keeps this up Im out of here, im not going to be treated like a bench warmer waiting for my time I get to spend with him, we either sleep together most nights, or I'll find someone else.  If he isn't sucking at least two loads out my dick a day, what does he expect?  I mean really if Im not getting love and sex from him, why should he expect im not getting it some where else?

Met some one this week who said he could introduce me to the 14th wealthiest family in Australia to be their designer for their comercial buildings in Sydney as they are not a Sydney based family and don't have a designer here... Sounds exciting.... doesn't seem rational to be so pissy then does it?