Sunday, October 31, 2010

Its All About Me.....Today

Today was going to be a good day, pay day, which meant I could eat again! And do things like go to the Sydney Motor Show. I read somewhere that when you’re trying to feel and get better, that one needs to take a day and do things that make you happy. So that’s what I planned to do. Got up early and went straight to the Motor Show. It was ok, I think I might have been too many times to think it amazing any more, but I had a very “me” experience. I was walking around all the beautiful cars with their shiny paint and fancy wheels when I saw a very cute guy in a well chair. He was amazingly beautiful and manly, with a tattoo right up his neck, Middle Eastern background, and lovely warm and friendly face, with great arms from pushing the wheel chair around. He would have been a real lady killer, and I think he probably still was, he was the whole package, except he was paraplegic. I kept looking around and I noticed there was a whole group young men my age in wheel chairs, some wheel chairs were electric and the guys who weren’t in motorized chairs, formed a conga line behind the one who was so they didn’t have to push themselves. Cute to watch. But all the young men had a look on their face that made me sad. Sure they were trying to get excited about the cars and their day out together, but all of these young men had been cut down in their prime, I’m thinking they were probably car crash of motor bike accident victims, but I don’t really know, and I think this was probably their support group. Being around all these expensive cars with the beautiful girl models standing next to them, was so painful to watch. Even if these girls would date these guys, the guys didn’t think they would be liked for them, just a charity date or freak novelty factor, they would never be able to afford these cars on the disability pension and they would never get to drive these cars with their disabilities. Suddenly these shiny cars didn’t seem that fancy, they couldn’t give these guys their legs back. I felt sick to my stomach watching these guys conga lining around the show, trying to be happy, struggling and failing. I am not the avoidant type, normally but these guys were too much for me to compute, especially on my fun day. I was hungry as I hadn’t eaten properly in a few days, and as I was lining up for food, these guys lined up in front and behind me, one of the men was very handicapped and made his carerer pick up ever single option on the menu and show him, and I kid you not, he said, “I want that one” just like Little Brittan, and changed his mind every single time he was shown a lunch option. And this is the part that is really me; there were no other table so the wheel chairs guys had to sit with me. After to trying to avoid them because it was a little too real for my fun day, here they were sitting at my table having lunch with me. This always happens to me, I might be at the most glamorous superficial event and I will end up spoon feeding the lady who’s had a stroke and can’t feed herself. I don’t normally mind, and two of the guys were very hot, one looked like a lebo porn star and another looked like a less tanned blue eyed version if Christiano Renaldo, but both were in wheel chairs. I wonder is this a sign? Or is it that I am just observant and end up helping people who need help, and other people are too wrapped up in their own life to notice people in need.

On a lighter side I didn't feel in particularly flirty mood even though the models standing next to the cars are paid to flirt. But I would like to to say that yes Tom from Range Rover I thought you were dreamy and if I hadn't been so over sexed lately I would have followed you to the toilets for some mid morning relief, yes that straight acting yummy guy in the white T shirt was into you but, couldn't quite be bothered with the energy that goes into covert flirting while you're at work and trying not out your self to your co-workers. So those strange feeling of attraction that were all over your face weren't miss guided, I was just drained..... in all ways.

Saab wasn't there this year, they are the only car brand that deliberatly employs hot young blonde male models, that all look like total prostitues, in the gay world they are called "Rent Boys". A few years ago I heard a straight couple walk off saying "those boys look like they are for sale" and I heard the Saab boys say "They say that like its a bad thing" Being so hot and desirable that some one would pay to have sex with you is the ultimate compliment, apparently.

Holden had the ugliest staff by far, I wonder if that was a marketing ploy so the wives would let the husband go and talk to the staff and Mitibishi tried to have hot girls but they didn't quite cut the grade and looked corse and chunky compared to all the other stands.

Later in the day I went up all the levels in David Jones men’s side and had a nice restful time looking at all the nice things and I saw lots of older gay men working there, and it got me thinking about the history of that store. My guess is that David Jones in the city would have provided employment for gay men probably the whole time it’s been open. Probably there was a secret code, but gradually men would have started coming out in the 70’s. I don’t mean to judge, but there seems to be an element of “The broken down old poof” when I see men over 50 still working in retail. No judgment on men who want to be there but I can’t help but think the reality is a little closer to these old men had dreams once, and in the end the gay life style has taken it’s toll, be it heart ache or drug or alcohol abuse or rejection from their families that has led them to a place where being very good a serving customers is the only thing they can do or handle. It was a little scary for me to see and I don’t put myself above anybody else and it makes me think, I might think I’m bright and wonderful but could that be my future as well?

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