Who Will It Be?

I have made quite a bit of progress on my Bi sexual journey of discovery.  I guess if you are bi-sexual you probably get frustrated like me wondering what side of the fence you are eventually going to come down on, and will you build a life with a man or a woman.  Wondering about this certainly makes me dizzy as it does my head in.  Any way the things that have changed are due to a book I have been reading called “10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Lasting Love” and I LOVE it is so not boring and a great read.  Any way this book has tapped into a lot of gay prejudges that I have and I have excised them and are more comfortable in my own skin.  Since reading “Velvet Rage” I have been wondering why I never dream about building a life with a man?  I mean I have based most of Bi Sexuality on not being able to get close to men emotionally.  I love women for closeness and not bothered either way about sex, but prefer men for casual encounters as it’s just easier.  Any way building a life with a man since starting to read “10 Things” has started to form in my dream life, and thoughts and I am excited! Not scared! I thought that if I had to go fully gay and not hide, it would be scary for me, but it isn’t I am excited about meeting some wonderful guy and building a great life, no shame and no fear.  Having said that my feelings for women have not really reduced at all, I just haven’t date any for a long time now and don’t have any on the horizon.  One question that seems to be floating about in my head is to do with children.  I’m in two minds.  One thought is that the world, and my life has been terrible to date and I would never want to bring a child into this miserable place.  So  that makes me want to be gay even more.  And then I think well if I crank the happiness dial in my mind and I believe that the world is kind of cool and great, wouldn’t I want bring and raise a child in this world?  I would never marry just to have kids, but if I am life positive, and think I want to give life to someone else, then I kind of makes sense to go down the hetro road, although I have fostered before and would also like to be a cool gay dad, so I don’t care really, I could do the child thing either way.  I’m not sure that I want to be another egotistical arsehole who brings another child into this world because they are so blind that they think the world needs more of them! Haven’t you ever seen that, some fat boggan arsehole with 6 kids in the shopping centre, always out the front of Woolworths, because all they can do is consume food, and you think, why? More of you, really, is that what the world needed.  I think stop having kids and get a life and a clue you breeder arsehole.   Should my life be about making the world a better place? Not more people in it?  But either way I am at a point where I am totally comfortable making a life with a man or a woman.  I find myself thinking, who am I going to meet in the future?  Who is going to be this wonderful person who I like more than anyone else?  Is my best friend going to be a man or a woman?  It’s really very exciting, everyone I meet is a possibility.  I feel like, is there a girl out there who is so cool that she can be my best mate? Can she really be cooler than all my male friends and men who I will meet in the future?  And after only reading one and half chapters I already feel so together and issueless that I really want to talk to gay men and view them with new eyes.  I feel like I am the package, if any dude talks to me he would be lucky to have me as his partner, as I feel like I have a lot of love and great skills to make everything work.  Exciting times ahead.