A Big Weekend Ahead, Coming Out to a School Friend

Below is a letter that I am going to give to a mate who is a builder, and a top bloke, who I have been telling my sexual adventures to, but changing them from men to women.  We went to school together, but have only really become good friends over the last 2 years.  When we started hanging out I was trying to be straight, hoping that I would be, so the lie continued, crunch time this weekend, time to stop 5 years of lies.  He is gorgous to look at, and a nice person so I find it nearly impossible to not fantasise about him liking me.

Ed,

I need to tell you something and I am doing it this way as I am finding it hard to tell you in person.  It’s eating me inside that I haven’t been able to do this earlier, but I think our friendship has grown to something pretty nice now and I tried to do it before you went away in November but you were so busy I couldn’t get a block of time with you to do it properly.

First of all I want to say I have been telling you a great big lie, and my guess is that you knew the truth all along, and I lied to you because I wanted your friendship, and 5 years ago when I hardly knew you I didn’t know that we would end up as close as we are now.  I have always thought that you would have been cool about anything I told you, so my lying was absolutely about my issues and insecurities, not because I didn’t trust you.

So the thing I need to tell you is I am gay.  I have been battling coming to terms with it for a while and I guess I have only really owned it the last 6 months.

I have always found guys hot, but I liked women as well so I thought if I meet the right girl I would go down the easy path and make it work with a girl.  It is incredibly easy to get sex in the gay world, so nearly all my sexual activity has been with guys.  But I never used to get close to them emotionally and only liked women for intimacy.  But that has changed recently and I am finding that I am able to be emotionally close with guys as well now.

I’m still not sure which way my life with go in the end, but at this point of time I think it is heading down the gay path, and regardless if I do end up with a women I can’t keep seeing guys and telling you that they are women.

I am so sorry I lied to you for so long, I guess you can understand why I did, my parents are homophobic and never love me for who I am, so I have gotten into the habit of showing people a version of me that I think that they will like best.  I also didn’t know how gay tolerant your friends would be so I thought it best to stay in the closet around them for your sake and to make it easier for me to fit in.  I am only out to my close friends and I defiantly see you as one of them.   

I case you were wondering yes I did have a big crush on you for a long time, but I feel safe in telling you this now because you mean way more to me as a friend then as a good looking sexy guy.  I still think you are a beautiful man, but who you are as a person is what makes you truly sexy and attractive.