The Gardener and the Flower

This saying is from Will & Grace where Will accuses Grace of being a total flower in relationships, she wants to be the pretty one who is worshiped by others who do all the work to maintain the relationship, the gardener.  Former bestie was a total flower but he couldn’t admit it.  Will says he is a gardener, very proud to put the work into people around him.  Grace doesn’t like being called lazy and selfish so she denies it, but then realizes she is a total flower in about 30 seconds.  I think I am a gardener, usually, but recently I think I am trying flower on for size.  BF loves me and tells me how wonderful I am all the time, and does very kind things for me.  It’s a nice change and I like it.

Grace says “ I am so a gardener, I hoe plenty”  Will says “being a hoe, doesn’t make you a gardener”  Which reminds me of another hoe joke.  Why don’t hip hop Americans like country music?  Because whenever they hear someone say “hoedown” they think someone just shot their sister.

But thats an aside, what I am wondering is if you are only going out with someone because they are good looking, people tell you are shallow, and its not worth the effort. I'll be honest here if I was seriously infactuated with someone I would probably put up with a bit of shit just to still be around them untill my crush wore off. But that is what a gardener is doing, he is doing all the work for someone pretty, and yet in that saying, the gardener is the good guy?  The flower is the lazy one who trades on their looks, but lets themselves be loved.  And yet if you choose someone because they are loving, society tells us that is a sessible decision.  So in fact the flower is the sesible one.  Doesn't really make sense does it.  But BF is loving to me, I feel like I might be a bad person sometimes beause I worry I might use him, but popular culture says that choosing a loving person over a sexy guy with a bad attitude is a better thing to do?