Dating Verse Exclusive

I’ve had a pretty emotionally draining day really.  BF and I had our second tense conversation, spread over a day.  We went to dinner tonight and for a walk around Paddington, and we are clear where we stand, but where we stand is not on the same island.

It’s to do with dating verses being exclusive.  I know it is society’s current trend for people to become exclusive and see one person as soon as you meet them if you like them and start dating.  But that isn’t the way I want to work, I think it is the wrong way to go about things.  I was talking to a Brazilian friend today and he said back in Brazil, people go about it the way I do, slowly slowly, building towards something slowly, dating several people at once.  He also finds it strange the way here in Oz where people jump to monogamy as soon as they meet.

BF has a point and that is about his health, he can’t afford to get sick from me and my activities.  I don’t do anything unsafe, so I don’t really think it’s an issue, but out of respect for him, I have to decided whether I will do what he wants which is we go exclusive already and if we don’t work then we break up.  He says we can stop having sex if I want to see other people.  And I guess that means we go back to friends until I know that I want to build a life with him only.

I would prefer to date and have sex with other people until I found someone who I was happy to build my life with and if it was him then good.  I don’t really want to get to close to him before I know him better so we don’t have to break up.  I don’t understand to point of going through that pain if it can be avoided.   I understand that is how serial monogamists work, but it looks too hurtful to me.

I don’t think I will ever be the person who has a two year relationship that doesn’t go the distance, and then starts again.  I think I will be the person who keeps dating until I find the one I am happy to build a life with and that will be it, no false starts.  If I made it to 30 without ever dating then I know I have a discerning eye for what I want, and I don’t get myself into things that I need to get myself back out of again.

He has given and shown me love more than any other person in my life, including family, so obviously he is very special to me and I don’t want to lose him.  I feel pressure to change to keep him, but he says he isn’t trying to change me at all, it’s just we can’t have sex anymore.  I can’t help but feel there is an emotional element to it as well.  I would feel a little loss if he started dating others, but I don’t know how else to slow down the coming together phase into something healthy.  I see people all around me failing from a lack of discipline when it comes to amount of time they spend with a new love.  Nothing breeds contempt like familiarity.  I do believe this to be true.

I'm the Charlotte York of Dating

As down town browns come they don’t come more well rounded then old Miss York.  I may have blue eyes not brown, and be male but I could be the closest thing to a male version of Miss York walking the streets of Sydney.  She is the Female embodiment of Feminine sophistication and class.  I am the male embodiment of masculinity and class.  LOL, I do get the irony of writing this, as it is not classy at all to say such a thing about one’s self.  But the thing we have in common at the moment is our dedication to dating, and dating well.  I may be new to dating, I have never dated before this year, but I am discovering I am quite good at it.  Charlotte has a thing about multiple dating at once saying “you put all this work into one guy, month after month and then it goes nowhere and your left several months older, with no one and starting from scratch again, I’m not doing that anymore, it’s all about juggling.”  Well Charlotte I agree with you.  My current BF knows I’m on Grindr, and tonight we went out for a meal together, which he paid for, I then hired “Under the Tuscan Sun” as I love it and he wants to go to Italy and has never seen it.  The second surprise I had for him was that nice blog I wrote about him today, I showed it to him on my iphone, that he had bought for me and as he was reading he said “That is so beautiful what you wrote, I don’t know whether kiss you or hit you” 

   

“Kiss me I would have thought after such a nice piece” I said, just at that moment, a Grindr message came in on my screen as he was still reading my blog, he handed the phone back to me with mild disgust.  I laughed so hard, never has someone said so many nice things to have them all undone with one untimely message.

I can’t afford Italy, and I’m a little uncomfortable with him paying, so we are still set for the South Pacific soon.

One Month and Counting: Ode to my BF / We're Indefinable

 I have just clicked over one month of knowing my South American crush, and things are good.  He is a very good guy, well so far anyway, and I am so proud I have broken my own record when it comes to relationship length, previous was 21 days, and I’m up to 32 today.
I am still needing my space, lots of it, and so does he.  I get anxious if I spent too much time with him, like all weekend was nearly getting too much, but we got through it and slowly, slowly we are building something.
We both HATE labels, hence I use BF losely, we are indefinable is a much better way of describing us, as BF has a lot of stero typical baggage with it, which neither of us want to get into.  We have a closeness that both of us know it there, and a deep level of care, but with out the ownership bullshit that most people attach with that label.  We are happy to hang with each other without possession.
There are so many nice things I can say about him because he has so many good things going for him, but I will only say a few today.

He is kind hearted and generous.  Warm, funny, friendly, intelligent, smart and quick to like my friends.  Good in bed with a really fun attitude towards sex which is mine as well, so we have great times in bed.  He gives me great massages that go on for ages.  As do I to him.  He is Ricky Martin Cute and Manly.  And even small things that annoy me don’t.  He likes to talk, a lot, and sometimes I feel like I am just listening to him talk crap, but then again, I love to chat as well, and I find even if he is talking crap that I don’t need to hear, it’s still nice to hear his voice nattering away, and I find his voice very calming, so talking crap or not, it’s still better to hear him talk.  My voice dropped about half an octave when I first meet him, but only when I was talking to him.  My voice became pure sex when I was talking to him.  I could hear it, so could he.  He has this amazing sexy voice, like liquid silk if there was such a thing.  I am an unconscious mimic, I copy people around me.  But it was more than that I think, he relaxed me so much the muscles in my voice box relaxed.

And this is the best thing of all I think.  He is quite sick, he can work and manage it, but he has to be very careful about a certain stress related illness, which needs medicating.  But the medication has side effects, and he been able to stop talking his night time table, and says its due to me.  I make him feel so much better and calmer and healthier that he is getting better, maybe even back to unmediated completely!  When I first met him his beautiful caramel skin was rough and coarse, his posture was terrible and he wasn’t exercising.  Now he is standing like a fit young man, his skin is smoother than mine and glowing, his nails are shinny and smooth.  He had to take a day off work from a sore back, and as he was sitting next to me I couldn’t feel any pain in it.  I asked him where it was sore, and he said “It’s gone away since I sat next to you, I think when I am near you my body gets better”  I was very touched, because I think it is true.  I am good for him, and he is good for me.

My Best Month Ever

I have just had the best week and best month of my life.  It has been totally amazing and best of all I have been aware of it as its been happening.  I noticed I was having good day after good day and I was getting happier and happier, and one day I stop and thought, wow I am happy, hows that, and you know what I have been happy for a while now.  And best of all there doesn’t seem to be anything on the horizon that will bring me unstuck.  I always get afraid what goes up must come down and the higher I get, the bigger the fall after, but I can’t ruin now with that thinking.  I’ve had the bad times, now are the good times, so enjoy them, they won’t last forever but I don’t expect them to like when I was young, now is ok. 

South American Lover, has been just that, we have been getting better and better  and better in the sack and I would now rate us at 8.5  Two hours of mad fun sex on Saturday night followed by two hours on Sunday morning followed by two hours Monday Night! Brilliant, all fun and spontaneous nothing planned or routine about it.  And all hard and heavy and loving.  He makes me feel like I am the best lover on the planet and tells me so.  And I’m starting to believe him.  Maybe there has never been such a stud as me.  That’s how he makes me feel.  Through all the ages no one can fuck like me.  It really is going to my head that much.  And talk about athletic acrobatic sex.  I pump and pump and flip and twist and change things up  and rock and roll and weave do hand stands and do pushups with all the weight on my big toes and hands and fuck with my whole weight suspended about him with cock going up and down in and out and it’s the only thing to touch him.  It is amazing to watch, and I have a ghetto booty arse of epic proportions, and I catch it in the mirror and it was mesmerizing to  watch pounding away, better than any porn I have ever watched.  He was encouraging me to film it so we can watch latter, and next time I think I will.

I walked into the gym at Darlinghurst tonight which is a very gay gym, and I knew I was having a hot day, I could just feel that I was giving off sexy energy, an sure enough when I walked in half the gym turned round and watched with approval, when you know you’ve got it so does everyone else.

Barbary Lane: Ode to my Neighbour

For those of you familiar with "Tales of the City", where they all lived was called Barbary Lane.  Its this story of the neigbours who all became great friends and lived in an apartment block.  Well its happening to me, I have my own good friends and community developing around me.  For those of you who don't know Sydney, its one tough mother fucking city to break into.  It gives so much and takes so much.  I guess that anything that is bright and shiny can be treacherous and this city can take an enormous toll on the young and unsuspecting.  But anything worth doing usually takes effort and living in this city is defiantly worth doing. 
My Neighbour means so much to me.  Without her and South American crush’s help I wouldn’t have been able to dump userish former best friend.  And thanks to not spending so much time with him new people have been flooding into my life.  I can feel that I am building something new and good around me.  We have this great little thing going on between us where we go to breakfast, cook dinner, have keys to each others place, go drinking and to restaurants, watch gay porn together, and other DVD’s talk about intellectual stuff, help each other without online dating profiles, share grindr stories, walk the dogs, go swimming and sun baking together, gossip about people we are dating and laugh when things go wrong.  My new friends you have opened up my eyes to a new life and it is great.  I feel like I was in a coma before I meet you, my life is bright and sunny and warm now, so thank you, here's to the great times we have had and the even better ones ahead.

Read This

This happened to me first day on grindr, but this conversation is spread over 4 days.  His profile said Straight but curious, no picture.

Hi

Hi

Hows your day going? Im in North Sydney, U?

Same about to go home for the day

Need a distraction on the way? How old are you?

31, U have photo?

Which building do you work in first?

I’m on one of the sights down the hill below Shore Gramma

Do you need a BJ?

Depends where I don’t have any where

The only place I can think of is a bit dodgy the disabled toilet in Greenwood Plaza

Narh not good

Not great but also not used much, also bigger, and the big surprise

Show me U

It could work because I’m in a wheelchair, how does that effect u?

Broken foot?

Neck

Shit tough break, I’m not sure what to say to that

Say u want to meet

Do u want to meet?

No thanks I’m going home

Ok –any other time?

Probably not, can I suggest something

Sure, U will find I’m pretty normal

I’m not into someone in a wheel chair and I’m not sure if u will find guys who are.  If you are just curious then you should probably think about a hooker because then you will have a nice safe experience where you get what you want without the danger.  Anyone who agrees to meet you might rob you.

Yeah – not a bad idea.  Thanks.  I was trying to avoid getting a hooker to my home, and I called two places that have stairs, but thanks for the suggestion!

I am happy to chat if that helps I’m not an a hole.  I am very experienced emotionally and sex wise, ask me things if that helps

cool thanks

I have friends who r hookers and they r very caring people, do an out call, if this is your first experience then make sure it’s a good one, not a shitty one like mine.

I’ll let you know thanks heaps for the support, what happened to make your first time shitty.

Every bodies first time is shit, the fear levels are so high, r you quad or parra?

Quad,

Tell me you fantasies

I want to suck cock

What parts of your body do you have feeling in?

Chest up

Im having fun talking to you, I’m serious about helping you, do you type with your mouth? Ask me anything you want, everyone needs a tour guide for the gay world and I can be yours if you want.

I have flat mates so I could do with some help finding a hooker that I can get to, or working around when they aren’t home.  You are amazing for helping me, thanks so much, you just keep getting better and better

I used to work in the care industry, I know what it’s like to need someone to talk about this stuff outside your close friends.

I gotta work now, but please chat with me later.

Ode To Grindr; A Love Poem

Where Have All The Good Men Gone?




They are on GRINDR!  I have had the most wonderful 4 days thanks this marvolous new app.  I know its a few years old, but new to me.  Every single guy I have chatted to has had the most marvoulous manners.  True gentlemen at every corner.  No bitchy remarks, no fuck off your ugly and I'm not interested.  I don't know if its to do with unlimited messages so every one relaxes, and takes the time to talk properly.  But its been great.  I expected more attitude then on Man Hunt and Gaydar, but there has been none. I have spoken to some truely wonderful people and I hope to share the stories over the next few weeks.  Its like I fell throught a crack in the floor boards and there was a secret wonderful world going on under them.  I'm Alice in wonderland down the rabbit hole.  I have found all these truely loving guys with out issues, realy nice caring, smart, have careers, interested in me, interesting to talk to, amazing I'm truely shocked at the quality of gay men on here.

I Am My Own Hero

This title might sound a little conceited but bare with me, it gets better.  I few months ago I wrote about the new gay man who was gay by choice.  I said that basically one day gay will be so accepted that guys will make a choice to be gay based on what they want for their lives, not out of fear of being gay, and hiding from it if they can, but they will be with women because they genuinely love them, not because they are socially conditioned to liking them.

Well my gay attraction has taken many forms.  First was low self esteem over what I looked like, being overweight and not being attractive when I was younger.  Then there were father issues about love, that were fixed with my first boy friend who loved me unconditionally and then I was able to love myself.  Then there was the fun of sex, the amount or random sex I would never get in the straight world.  And finally recently there has been the desire to have a life with a man, something I have never wanted before, but now am exploring. 

The Hero in my head when it comes to gay fantasies goes like this, totally unaffected guy, who is masculine as all fuck but tender and loving.  Rare, but they defiantly exist, I have a few friends who are that, one is straight, and one is gay.  They are both school friends, the best looking guys you have ever seen, hearts as big as Phar Lap, but not without flaws, even as friends they can be frustrating at times, they are also filthy rich from tradie families, with disposable incomes like you have never seen, but cool, ones a TV director, and the other one is a builder, but a cool builder, he can out dress me without trying, the cat walks of Paris and Rome, copy what he wares.  They have big hearts, love to give and are totally manly.  I love them both.

But driving home the other night I realize I had become my own hero, I am very masculine, I am now a builder, slowly building a body that guys are going ape over, have a lot of admires at the moment who are making me feel that I am worth something, and great friends around me who make me feel loved and like life is a blast.

Every single part of my life is going the way I want it to, that is so rare, I love it, and frankly its about bloody time, I’ve had my share of disappointments and I got to a very discouraged place, discouragement is a very serious thing that no one talks about.

I think I will continue this next time as I need to share what has happened over the last few days for you to get the full picture of whats been happening.  I think I will call tomorrow “Ode to Grindr; A Love Poem”

Oh Shit! Not "That" Talk Already

 

Well tonight I had to do 5 loads of washing, that’s industrial size machines, overloaded, if there had been more free I would have used more.  The amount of washing there is to do is a very good indicator of how out of control my life is.  A small load equals life in control, or boring life.  Large loads equal busy life which feels a bit manic.  I am loving being busy, so good, it feels like I have a life again, but I haven’t been able to write for a few days.  There have been a few dramas, but I have come out the other side ok.  So far.  Saturday Morning was interesting for South American Lover and I.  He sent me a text when he couldn’t get hold of me on the phone telling me it was ok to see other people but to be honest about it, and to not to take the text the wrong way.  I did get a bit anxious when I read it and I phoned him and we talked for an hour.  I feel shitty that I don’t find him enough.  But if I was to review our relationship I would only be giving us a 7.5 and that’s 3 weeks in.  Him as a person I give a 9.5, our intimacy and compatibility I would give a 10, but our sex life I would only give a 5, but I might have to raise that as tonight was pretty good.  He has a bad back and I was doing some physiotherapy on him to help him and some of the back exercise positions are also excellent for great sex, in particular, arching his back over the end of the bed I was able to get my rock hard cock all the way down his throat with no gag reflex at all I could just leave it there and fuck the shit out of his throat.  Only thing that stopped that was my balls covered all his face and he couldn’t breathe as they formed an air lock over his nose.  So all in all a great night of fucking physio.

But back to Saturday, so many major things were said.

1.        Week three and he is already ok with me seeing other people.  Lots of couples end over something as big as this and we are dealing with it week 3?  This is either a really cool guy and I am very lucky, or we are headed for the rocks.  The way I saw it we were only dating anyway, so we weren’t monogamous, and I wouldn’t let us become so for the first 6 months, because I think that is a recipe for disaster.  I think the key to health relationships is getting to know each other slowly and building a good foundation first so people don’t burn out fast.  It is too tempting to meet someone we like and get all lesbian about it and pair off by date 2.  The straight world has dating figured out I think.  You date lots of people at once and gradually gravitate to the ones who stick, and lose the ones who don’t and hopefully you find one that will stick till death do us part.  The thing is we meet in a sex club but only cuddled and played around.  Second date, was dinner and a long talk in his car.  Third date was a DVD at mine, pizza and hours of cuddles but he went home.  4^th date was semi sex and a sleep over with lots of cuddles, 5^th date was sleep over and full sex, and this was week one.  I think full sex was his tipping point into we were serious, but it isn’t for me, who he is and how well we cuddle make me think we are serious, because that is rare for me, sex is not rare, I have it with strangers all the time.  He sounded hurt even as he was telling me to see other people. 

2.       He then told me that was falling for me.  This is a very big deal for me, as I could count on one hand the number of guys who have fallen for me, who I had feelings for, this is rare and very important to me.  I makes me want to try to be him only focused when it comes to sex.  But as I said to him, a leopard can’t change his spots over night, I have been rooting around for years, sex is important to me, you seem to want to get to know me other ways then sex, sex is what I use to get to know someone.  He is OK with that, and I told him he will need to be patient with me, because he has had two major 5 year relationships, both ended badly.  One was due to his partner cheating on him and then blaming him for a bad sex life, so honesty around sex is a very BIG deal to him.  How do you tell someone that you have known for 3 weeks that you aren’t satisfied sexually without hurting their feelings?  This is what I was struggling with.  He told me at the end of the hour phone call that he had been crying talking to me, tears running down his face.  FUCK! Now I really felt like an arse hole.  He was crying over me.  I doubt I have ever done that before.   I am heading towards the 1000 roots mark and he has two relationships under his belt and I have none.  He said he hadn’t slept in anyone’s bed before mine for 4 years!  Talk about pressure, we are coming from opposite life stories and trying to find a middle ground.

I had to go away for the weekend so as I was driving for 4 hours and I thought about him, I got anxious at the thought of losing him.  So that’s a good sign, it means I give a fuck.  I loaded Grindr, and holy Jesus I am glad I don’t live in Canberra any more, to say the talent is thin on the ground is a major understatement, I was lucky if I saw one guy I would fuck all weekend on there.  There were dramas galore in Canberra, some of which I can’t write about, but some of the high lights were, my brother left for Europe and decided he didn’t want to give me the Porsche anymore???? Greedy fuck!  I got a flat on the way down and was wondering why the jeep was handling so badly on the high way, I had basically driven at 110 km /per hour for 3 hours on a flat tyre…. Ops.  On the way home I was bringing a lawn mower back with me for my business, but my brother had filled it with petrol before I took it and I had the worst petrol head ache all last night and was so high trying to drive it was terrible.  2 panadol and 2 aspirin just to get to sleep.

To round off the weekend he gave me a massive hickie tonight, it is jet black and raised on my neck, and I am doing work for the head of the Anglican church North Sydney tomorrow at her house, could I possibly be around anyone more conservative with a giant hickie?

New Builder

Tomorrow might be quite interesting I am interviewing a new builder to come on board my business tomorrow.  I am meeting him at my apartment, and I asked to meet me because he is HOT and because I know he is gay.  He is totaly my type, but who knows will I give some one a job based on looks?  YES of course I would.  Fuck who cares if he can build I just want something nice to look at all day.  Could this be the start of a beautiful new friendship?  Ding dong ding dong, did some one say wedding bells?
Working on all those houses together, in tight corners, who knows when one of us could slip and who knows who might just happen to have a rock hard cock that falls straight into an open exposed hole.  Hot sweaty work, most of the houses I do have pools, we might need to take our singlets of and go for a swim.  Maybe the owners won't be home and neither of us have swimmers "come on mate just go naked, I will".  Or painting and gradually we work our way closer and closer, the rythem of the brush strokes take on a whole new meaning as we show each other just what we would do to each other with our "paint brush" you want to throw the paint? I'll catch your paint mate.
And my favorite, "come on Hummid you've had too much to drink, you muslims can't hold your boose, light weight, you had better crash at my place."  Hummid happily agrees to come home with me.  Even though he only had two light beers, he seems very drunk.  He seems to sober up pretty quick once home, and I'm thinking it was an act to get in my bed.  "So you want the couch?" 
Nar boss, you've got room in your bed, you take the couch.
Hummid I'm not sleeping on the couch for you
Oh well I'm not either you will have to sleep next to me.

I think about it for a split second, but fuck it, I hired him for this very reason, I've dreamt about one day he would suck me off, I'm a little worried about work place harrasment issues, but he isn't an apprentice, he's 26.  Tonights the night
I jump into bed naked, fuck him, he can squwirm, if he's uncomportable, I know what game he's playing at.

He's a bit shocked, I jumped in semi hard cock and big balls bouncing as I walked towards the bed.
He resorts to acting drunk "Man, boss I drank to much, oh fuck my heads spinning"
really Hummid, must be the Rowies I put in your beer.
What? you put rowies in my beer?
No you dumb cunt, I just said that, cause I know your acting, your not drunk one bit are you
silence from him
I roll over and pull the sheet over me, there is no way I'm giving him the satisfaction of starting procedings.
Then he farts and laughs to get a reaction out of me.
I giggel on the inside but he can't see me smiling and I'm tempted to fart back on him, instead I wait till I smell it and punch him hard, like really hard, so he's hurt.
Laugh now fucker I'm thinking
He's moaning semi playfully
I do nothing, but its like 7:30 pm and neither of us a tired we just ended up in bed because we both want to be there with each other
After an awkward silence of a minute I roll back onto my back and look at him, he looks at me.  I decide to verbalise whats going to go down, as I want to make him squwirm some more.
"Mate what are you doing here?"
he's silent he knows I know
He's getting scared, he thinks he might have miss read the situation, but he knows I'm gay, I'm the boss, he's in my bed and we have been flirting for days, he only started on Monday.  He knows that I know he is gay, but he still doesn't know how I know.  He won't make the first move, but either will I, I am prick teasing him to the max and I can see he is hard and his big arab jucie cock is throbbing under the white sheet, and it is dribbling a little precum onto the sheet.  I look at it and roll back over, now he's really fucked in the head, why and I not interested in a big throbbing juicy cock.  But he recovers the situation
Arh fuck you hurt me before, i'm sore, sore all over, look what you did boss you gave me a hard on when you hit me.  You hit me so good I cracked a fat boss, look  this one's for you boss, I grew it for you.  You want to touch it? hey? I bet you do boss, I bet you want to touch my big fat Lebo cock don't you. 
He's laughing and so am I, he doesn't have a westie accent normally but he's been putting it on doing the whole "give a brother a helping hand" voice
I roll my eyes at him and act non interested, but he knows its on, he has me hooked.  I can't resist a fake Lebo accent with a real Lebo cock precuming next to me.

TBC

Supernatural

Yes I think it is Supernatural that these two pretty well cast faces are still on TV.  The fact that they play two brothers, but have had this brooding macho sexual tension between for god knows 7? seasons amazes me.  Who ever cast them did a good job, their cheek bones have single handedly kept this show on for all these years.  Ok boys yes you can act as well, I don't find you boring to watch at all, and you are even a little funny, but we all know that everyone is whatching because you cary on as though you have a MASSIVE hard cock ready to slam down each others throats as soon as one of you falls asleep first.  Some queer at the top is doing a good job, but it must be funny when straight guys watch it and have a funny man crush on one or both of them.  "Why do they keep staring into each others eyes? I don't do that with my brother?"
My former bestie would always get so confused watching this, never quite sure which one he would suck off first.  That one, no that one, no that one, it would go on like this all episode.


Post couttis?  Broke Back remose moment?  "I wish I knew how to quite you Ennis Del Mar"

Huge Fight, End of a Grand Friendship

I have called it quiets on my best friend, after so many great times together.  He is a wonderful person, and truely an indervidual, but with those dizzing highs come monumental flaws.  He has always been hard work, I have born the brunt of some pretty discusting behavior over the years, but when things were good, they were so much better than hanging with anyone else.  Well after the 3rd year in a row he forgot my birthday, and 4 year of living in Sydney together, and he still hasn't ever made the effort to meet up with me, its alway me who has facilitated our get togethers, some thing snapped inside me and I haven't talked to him for two weeks.  Today I responed to one of his numorous attempts to get in contact with me.  And he was faced with some of his behavior.  Well he was too weak to addmitt that he needed to change, and ran for the hills to hide from some one criticizing him.  I guess if he wants to change their might be hope for us, but the emotional black mail he has pulled in the past isn't going to work any more.  I will not give in, he needs to change his selfish ways.


I feel like I have broken up with some one, but there aren't really any movies that deal with when two great gay friend go their own ways.  If it is a lover, you can tell people you have broken up with some one and they understand, but with a friend, there is no automatic out pouring of grief.

I feel loss and relief at the same time, I do think he might have been a major road block stopping my life from moving on in the way it needs to.  He might feel the same about me, but he has no reason to end our friendship, it was deffinately me who was being mistreated and used.

I can't help but feel that a MAJOR chapter in my life has closed, we were school friends and have been besties for 19 years.  That is a fucking major good bye, its like getting a divorce, except all we did was by text message, and no one else knows that were are over.

Jamie I think you were onto something when you said "Friendship is a matter of distance" I think thats where we went wrong.  We did every thing together but we weren't in a relationship.  I don't think I should get so close to someone who has no accountability to me.  He would just retreat from our friendship when ever it was his turn to do something nice, or something I needed.  I would do it for him with out thinking, because thats who I am.  But because we weren't a couple, he felt no need to be accoutable to me.

Cassius

For those of you who were wondering where I got my online sudonym from, I took
CASSIUS from my favoritest DJ's in the world



And Forrest is a whole lot less interesting, I thought with a woggy sounding first name, I needed an English surname to balance it out.  And Andrew Forrest was the wealthiest person in Australia at the time, so wish full thinking had him in my conscience at that time.



The coolest dance song ever, I think, sound track that I came out to.  Thanks Channel V, I would never have known about them without DJ mike playing them every 3 hours.  Also famous for having possilby the best film clips of all time.

The Best Before and Afters

Well Done Jen, if you can do it from Newcastle, it gives hope to us all


Does this photo make any one else alittle queazy on the tummy.  "Why are Jake and Jen together?" because they are both beautiful people.... yuck.  Kris used his looks to have kid with some one rich and succesful, love you Danni, and would deffinalty have a kid with you Kris, but seeing two couples who are using their looks for self advancement stand so close together, makes me wonder, Jake and Kris you both need to be famous for something other than good looking guys who married pretty sucessful woman.  Jake you have been around long enough to have made some causes your own.



Myre is the Nouveau Riche thing really the image you want to be promoting?
I guess nouveau riche is better than no -veau riche..... no money at all.


NO SUCH THING AS UGLY WOMEN, JUST POOR ONES:

Six Degrees of Gay Seperation

This blog is going to be a blatant pretty people blog.  Kind of just an excuss to put up pretty people that I like.
Starting with Kylie M.  She is a hero of mine, the breast cancer thing, the heart ache of that Cheating Olive' Martinez, and all the pretty boys before that, James and who knows who else.
Kylie, you are the prettiest Australian to be flying the flag for us over seas.  You are also probably the smartest and most succesful.  The Way you turned your career around after 30, with "Spinning Around" as the song that did, it doesn't get any more poetic than that.  You have always loved the gays back for loving you, and you have made all of us happy with your music.  My life with out your music would suck!  So Thank you Miss Minogue, and I also like your voice when you are interviewed, so sexy and ladie like, I also think you would be funny, so please do a good comedy part in a movie so I can watch you and listen to you speak.


My cousin was one of Kylie's back up dancers.



So was Marco Da Silva



Marco Da Silva is now a DJ and played at Mardi Gras, along with Phil Romano



Phil Romano is my sexy girl friends cousin.

For Jamie

This is for you Jamie, you wrote comments galore, and that was very kind of you, so I thought I would write one just for you.  Of all your comments the one that I noticed the most was about “I’ve managed to reducing going to the sauna by at least 60% since New Year’s this year” you reminded me of the battle I had inside myself all of my 20’s in trying to be the person I wanted to be verses, doing the things I wanted to do.

Firstly I should say recent developments in my life have made me value saunas and other gay sex venues very highly.  Let me explain.  You need to understand that as gay men we are the ONLY group in society who gets to have sex like that.  No one else does.  My lesbian friends are soooo jealous that there are no women only saunas and sex clubs, they hate that they don’t get to go and get their rocks off by paying $20 and having anonymous sex.  They have to actually talk to the girls in the bars and on line and go through all the bullshit just to get a fuck. 

Then there are the straight girl friends of mine who like to fuck.  Some of them have been raped, some of them have been hit by guys they brought home, who thought they could treat a girl they had picked up in a bar anyway they wanted to, because she wasn’t strong enough to fight him off, and they don’t know who he is, so he will keep getting away with doing nasty things to girls because he can.   If there were straight saunas where they felt safe, they recon they would go to them.

Then there are the poor straight guys who go through hell just to get laid.  Sometimes I think I only tried gay because I was so horny and rejected by girls.  I love being gay now, I mean really love being gay, and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but the number of straight male friends who I see stick by horrible girl friends just because she is the only girl they know who will put out.  And some of them get so disillusioned at their chances of getting laid on the open market that they say “I love you” and marry them.  Oh well that’s the price they have to pay for having a fragile sense of their own masculinity, I mean I think so many of them should get over themselves and try it with a guy, they would love it, but they aren’t brave enough to open that can of worms, so they play by societies rules of “your either straight or gay”.  Don’t get me wrong I know there are heaps of guys who would never cut it in the gay world, they NEED to be straight, they don’t have the looks or the social skills to navigate how tricky the gay world is.

It’s quite funny lots more young people go out then older people.  But if you go to a bar and there are gay or straight guys in their 30’s and 40’s, still going out it is usually for a reason.  To do well in the bar and club scene you have to be good at picking up.  If you’re not, then they become relationship focused because they are sick of loneliness and rejection.  But if you’re a mad rooter, then the thrill from hunting is usually more fun than the work that goes into making it work with one person.

And finally sex is important.  I am only having my first taste of what love is right now, and I meet him in a sex club, so good people go to them too.  But before I knew what love felt like, I was very worried about how burnt out I felt from all the once only fucking I had done.  But with a taste of love, I now realize just how important good quality sex is, even if is with a strange, it is important for men to be able to get sex.  I think sex is just as important as love and closeness; it makes up so much of who we are.  We aren’t women, we are men, and sex is who we are, we are other things as well, but don’t discount sex, good sex is what men live for.

I notice Jamie you are 23 and from Melbourne, well I was 22 when I was starting to fuck around, and yes it is important to retain as much of your youthful enthusiasm as possible.  It is the hardest thing in the world to get back once it has gone.  I was in such a hurry to grow up, that I raced through life at a cracking speed, and by the time I was 26 / 27 my bestie and I were like “there’s nothing left to do, we’ve done everything” it was the worst feeling in the world, there was nothing left to do, no new challenges, no new clubs to go to, no life experiences left to experience.  It has taken me nearly 4 years of trying to get some youthful enthusiasm back, 4 years of hard work to just get some of that lust for life that came naturally in the early 20’s.

CSI Sydney

I bought jet black sheets last month and told my neighbor who said “why would you want black sheets they will show all your activity”  yeah I said I want it to look like a CSI crime scene in my bedroom “oh, you want them to be your score card” she said! Lol haha.  Well CSI Sydney went down tonight, I had to bring in the photographer to capture the evidence, but no black light was needed. 

I need your help in solving the crime.  Evidence statements have been taken and according to witnesses, there were three violent eruptions.  The neighbors called the police due to excess noise after 11pm, stating the “music” was too loud, all though I’m not sure that was the real noise complaint.  The main witness says he has never seen such a large mess come from one person.  The other witness seemed quite pleased to hear this. 

Who's Rules

My neighbor has come to a realization that she LOVES FREEDOM and is now wondering if she has been deliberately picking guys and girls that wouldn’t work out so she wouldn’t have to give up her freedom.  When I asked “who says you have to do monogamy the way the rest of society says you have to do it.” She said “exactly!, I’m thinking I need a guy 2 nights a week only max.”  But I said. “but you need to have some form of commitment to each other, so even if you can fuck other people you have to be there for each other when one of you gets sick or need something.”  Yes that is true, she said.  Separate homes, two nights a week but committed to each other’s well being, I can’t help but think there would be a bunch of straight guys who want that.  I don’t think that is what I want, I want more than that, I think.  I am beginning to think that I will never meet a man of better quality than the one I have now.  We have a certain something, that I doubt I will ever replicate or beat.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not still looking, looking for at sexy guys, to be honest there are a few perusing me at the moment, I am thinking about fucking them, well the thought of it anyway.  I’m not being secretive about it because my BF reads this blog so he will know.  I haven’t done anything yet, but I am struggling with focusing my attention.  I guess the best way to say what we have ATM is that we are dating, not in a relationship, so I guess its ok to keep dating others while dating someone else. ? Isn’t it?  Do unto other what you would like done unto yourself.  Would I care of BF went on a date with someone else? Mmm yeah I would care, defiantly, would I chuck him over it, absolutely not.  Do I think it might be healthy for us to keep dating other people for a little bit while we are getting to know each other so that we don’t burn out to fast? Yes absolutely.

Went to breakfast with neighbor this morning, I swear I am the worst builder in Sydney, its midday and I still haven’t gone to work.  May be I will make that my business angle, “Late start Builders, we get out of bed late, so you can too”.  We went to a certain café in Newtown where the owner is my age, and sexier then Sam Worthington.  Well he was friendly to me today and neighbor said “he wants you, like bad”  I have wanted this guy for years, and now he’s interested?  He is way hotter than me and straight I thought.  But if neighbor says he’s into me who am I to say otherwise.  I have fantasized about him soooo much…. But as mates actually, well maybe mates who do sleep over’s.  Pillow fight!  Would I settle for work out buddies?  No, not unless it was gym buddies who clean each other’s dick and balls in the gym showers.

Cinderfella

Dreams do come true, so they say, well I am waiting for mine right now.  To say I am under traveled for an Australian would be a dramatic understatement.  Once an American friend asked "Why do you even have a passport Cassius? you never go anywhere!" she said in fits of laughter, she had left the country 14 times in a year, while on the dole! lucky bitch.  Well my quite marvollus new BF is working on my first proper overseas adventure, New Zealand doesn't count in my book, it's Victoria with a customs department at the airport. I am waiting with baited breath for my pumpkin to magically change into that coach and my glass slippers are already packed..... COME ON travel industry discounts!  In Bridget Jones 2, she is very proud to tell every one about her new BF, who is a human right lawyer, and saving the world.  Well my BF is semi pychic and works in travel, beat that Bridget!  Human rights lawyer, how boring, I'm going traveling with good karma.

Role Model ?

Role Model?

 

I’m still deliriously happy, but not in a manic way, so here’s hoping it’s sustainable for a little while at least.  My lucky run has continued today with several things working out for me, I took advertizing out in the Gay paper to try and grow my business and it’s so cheap.  I think my brother will sack a builder that is giving me trouble, so I will be in charge of work flow which I need to be to control how much work I get, as the other builder has been taking all the work for himself and not giving me any and then not doing the work that came from my brother as he is too busy with his own projects.  Had a sexy phone call with South American love interest tonight, I love his voice it makes the hair on my balls tingle. We weren’t talking about anything to do with sex, just stuff, like doctor’s appointments etc, but his soulful voice comes through no matter what we are talking about.  Sexy girl friend from the past has moved to Sydney today and I meet her for a hang out and to show her around Sydney.  She is seriously sexy and knows how to attract people with her charm, so I think she will be a good luck charm for me, at least attract the sexy straight guys in bars who want to talk to her, I will be the gate keeper and they will have to suck me off in the toilets to get to talk to her…. Lol haaaa! 

Had a debrief with my neighbor, her world wind romance to Eligible Brisbane Bachelor unfortunately ran out of steam in a hurry this weekend.  Its such a shame I was rooting for them to be happy and work out, but unfortunately Brisbane Bachelor was not….  he couldn’t……. ever apparently.  So I am shocked at how quickly they came undone from such a good start a few weeks ago and my neighbor is sexually unsatisfied, but my numbers boy friend was able to come to the rescue with some good insights into what Mr. right would look like and what she should be looking for.  Another friend got busted for Tax Fraud today by the ATO, and once again my BF was able to help him through me as to what he needs to do to get his life back on track.  So in total my BF and I have been able to help 3 people around us today.

I have never had any good role models for gay relationships.  I would never want the responsibility to be on a pedestal to other people but if we work out, I am thinking that is what we should do, show other gay men by example what they need to bring to the relationship market place to make it work.  I hate writing this as it sound cringe worthy to me, but I never had anyone to show me the way, I shouldn’t be selfish in hiding what I have.  It’s making me happy, so why not share it other men in need.

What a Day

Current Lover and I have had a very nice day at a nude beach today.  A little bit sexy, a little bit summery, so all in all a sexy salty sunny summer in Sydney.  We went out to dinner then coffee and out to lunch before that and I had spent this morning by the pool with another new neighbor I am becoming friends with from my building.  So apart from the amazing weather, great new friends and love interest, and driving our European cars, eating at the best restaurants, today is just amazing.  We watched Bridget Jones Edge of Reason tonight, except we didn’t get very far because my lover works in travel and I said I need a holiday, so he whipped out his phone and started researching were the current deals are to, so we are thinking, either New Caledonia or LA next week for a week, or both over the next 2 months.  Island holiday where they speak French or Big city Holiday with the Movie stars… not sure, both I think.  And proof when your numbers are in, they are in, my new free Porsche arrives next weekend.  My brother is going overseas to live and doesn’t want to sell his new Porsche so he is giving it to me to drive while is gone, up to 3 years, and my other brother wants to share it with me here in Sydney so he is going to pay for the Garage and insurance, and did I mention it also has a corporate fuel card that reduces my brothers Tax liability, so free fuel as well.  Sorry I forgot to mention, Porsche convertible, did anyone say rags to riches in a day, or was that just me thinking out loud.