Embrace the Bear Within

I went out last night by myself as felt like partying and I had no one to go with.  I needed to fill in time before the Fomo Party at Arq started so after dinner I did something new and a little bit scary, I went across to the Oxford Hotel where the Bears hang out.  About 3 months ago I was walking down King Street in Newtown minding my own business when a beary looking guy, stopped me and said, “Mate you should grow a beard, you would make a magnificent Bear.”  Thanks I said and kept walking.  The comment rattled me a little, is that how the world sees me, a bear?  Isn’t that what gay men who have given up are?  I know they hide behind the whole marcho man thing, but I have been told they are just as bitchy and bigger queens with beer guts, beards and a condescending attitude to the rest of the gay community.  Well my first look into the bear scene was ok, I think I might be more of an Otter or Bear Cub.  Someone who isn’t a bear but likes them is called a bear hunter, how funny, and the size of your beard denotes your rank, a big beard makes you a bear High preist.

I went across the road to Arq and for some reason I just couldn’t get into it so I left fairly early and I was walking passed “Name This Bar” and the bouncer was an amazingly effortlessly handsome Lebanese man who was a total dream boat in my eyes.  So I went back and asked him if I can come in, and in I went and the DJ was amazing.  He looked Italian but he was playing this amazing Deep South Baptist Revival Gospel House Music.   I have never heard anything like it before in my life it was great and the place was full of Black Americans so I felt like I was in some bar in the Deep South.   My mum told me that our neighbors on the farm own that bar, how cool is that, NSW sheep farmers who own a bar on Oxford Street.  The Bouncer kept staring at me and he was friendly, but I had no idea how to work it.  He was so totally straight, but that’s the thing, he was totally masculine, but now that I know there are people out there who are rejecting the normal boy meets girls and gets married way of going through life, just because he presents as straight doesn’t mean that he is.  He may be the man, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to date one.  I’m trying to put myself out there and not judge people, just because they present straight, doesn’t mean they are, if I like them I’m going to let them know. 

The Peter Alexander pajama model was there, and she is so beautiful and fun, I was dancing with her, and there were nurses from St Vincent’s across the road who came in and partied in their Nurses scrubs.  How strange, but fun.   This 60 year old couple, man and woman, started playing with my bicep muscles, a bit strange, I was wearing a singlet, but other than that I wasn’t doing anything to invite their interest, I was quite bemused by their interest in my muscles.  It was in the middle of this wonderful hand clapping, feet stomping, praise the Lord I’m saved good time, that I realized just how wonderful this city is.

  I’m a white Aussie catholic, fucking a Muslim from Saudi Arabia, hanging out with my good Jewish friends, and I could go on the Jewish float in the Mardi Gras if I wanted to, dancing in a bar that sheep farmers own on Oxford St. with 60 year olds, black Americans, and the Peter Alexander Pajama Model, having a stare off with the hot Lebanese bouncer, to gospel music being played by an Italian DJ.  I love Sydney.

I might not meet any Body Guards so I think I might change my fantasy to Bouncer, a hot straight acting Lebanese bouncer for a boy friend, now that sounds good.  Apart from his looks, he seemed genuinly happy, that was what was attractive, he was happy to be alive and at work, now thats someone I want to be around.