Oh Shit! Not "That" Talk Already

 

Well tonight I had to do 5 loads of washing, that’s industrial size machines, overloaded, if there had been more free I would have used more.  The amount of washing there is to do is a very good indicator of how out of control my life is.  A small load equals life in control, or boring life.  Large loads equal busy life which feels a bit manic.  I am loving being busy, so good, it feels like I have a life again, but I haven’t been able to write for a few days.  There have been a few dramas, but I have come out the other side ok.  So far.  Saturday Morning was interesting for South American Lover and I.  He sent me a text when he couldn’t get hold of me on the phone telling me it was ok to see other people but to be honest about it, and to not to take the text the wrong way.  I did get a bit anxious when I read it and I phoned him and we talked for an hour.  I feel shitty that I don’t find him enough.  But if I was to review our relationship I would only be giving us a 7.5 and that’s 3 weeks in.  Him as a person I give a 9.5, our intimacy and compatibility I would give a 10, but our sex life I would only give a 5, but I might have to raise that as tonight was pretty good.  He has a bad back and I was doing some physiotherapy on him to help him and some of the back exercise positions are also excellent for great sex, in particular, arching his back over the end of the bed I was able to get my rock hard cock all the way down his throat with no gag reflex at all I could just leave it there and fuck the shit out of his throat.  Only thing that stopped that was my balls covered all his face and he couldn’t breathe as they formed an air lock over his nose.  So all in all a great night of fucking physio.

But back to Saturday, so many major things were said.

1.        Week three and he is already ok with me seeing other people.  Lots of couples end over something as big as this and we are dealing with it week 3?  This is either a really cool guy and I am very lucky, or we are headed for the rocks.  The way I saw it we were only dating anyway, so we weren’t monogamous, and I wouldn’t let us become so for the first 6 months, because I think that is a recipe for disaster.  I think the key to health relationships is getting to know each other slowly and building a good foundation first so people don’t burn out fast.  It is too tempting to meet someone we like and get all lesbian about it and pair off by date 2.  The straight world has dating figured out I think.  You date lots of people at once and gradually gravitate to the ones who stick, and lose the ones who don’t and hopefully you find one that will stick till death do us part.  The thing is we meet in a sex club but only cuddled and played around.  Second date, was dinner and a long talk in his car.  Third date was a DVD at mine, pizza and hours of cuddles but he went home.  4^th date was semi sex and a sleep over with lots of cuddles, 5^th date was sleep over and full sex, and this was week one.  I think full sex was his tipping point into we were serious, but it isn’t for me, who he is and how well we cuddle make me think we are serious, because that is rare for me, sex is not rare, I have it with strangers all the time.  He sounded hurt even as he was telling me to see other people. 

2.       He then told me that was falling for me.  This is a very big deal for me, as I could count on one hand the number of guys who have fallen for me, who I had feelings for, this is rare and very important to me.  I makes me want to try to be him only focused when it comes to sex.  But as I said to him, a leopard can’t change his spots over night, I have been rooting around for years, sex is important to me, you seem to want to get to know me other ways then sex, sex is what I use to get to know someone.  He is OK with that, and I told him he will need to be patient with me, because he has had two major 5 year relationships, both ended badly.  One was due to his partner cheating on him and then blaming him for a bad sex life, so honesty around sex is a very BIG deal to him.  How do you tell someone that you have known for 3 weeks that you aren’t satisfied sexually without hurting their feelings?  This is what I was struggling with.  He told me at the end of the hour phone call that he had been crying talking to me, tears running down his face.  FUCK! Now I really felt like an arse hole.  He was crying over me.  I doubt I have ever done that before.   I am heading towards the 1000 roots mark and he has two relationships under his belt and I have none.  He said he hadn’t slept in anyone’s bed before mine for 4 years!  Talk about pressure, we are coming from opposite life stories and trying to find a middle ground.

I had to go away for the weekend so as I was driving for 4 hours and I thought about him, I got anxious at the thought of losing him.  So that’s a good sign, it means I give a fuck.  I loaded Grindr, and holy Jesus I am glad I don’t live in Canberra any more, to say the talent is thin on the ground is a major understatement, I was lucky if I saw one guy I would fuck all weekend on there.  There were dramas galore in Canberra, some of which I can’t write about, but some of the high lights were, my brother left for Europe and decided he didn’t want to give me the Porsche anymore???? Greedy fuck!  I got a flat on the way down and was wondering why the jeep was handling so badly on the high way, I had basically driven at 110 km /per hour for 3 hours on a flat tyre…. Ops.  On the way home I was bringing a lawn mower back with me for my business, but my brother had filled it with petrol before I took it and I had the worst petrol head ache all last night and was so high trying to drive it was terrible.  2 panadol and 2 aspirin just to get to sleep.

To round off the weekend he gave me a massive hickie tonight, it is jet black and raised on my neck, and I am doing work for the head of the Anglican church North Sydney tomorrow at her house, could I possibly be around anyone more conservative with a giant hickie?