For Jamie

This is for you Jamie, you wrote comments galore, and that was very kind of you, so I thought I would write one just for you.  Of all your comments the one that I noticed the most was about “I’ve managed to reducing going to the sauna by at least 60% since New Year’s this year” you reminded me of the battle I had inside myself all of my 20’s in trying to be the person I wanted to be verses, doing the things I wanted to do.

Firstly I should say recent developments in my life have made me value saunas and other gay sex venues very highly.  Let me explain.  You need to understand that as gay men we are the ONLY group in society who gets to have sex like that.  No one else does.  My lesbian friends are soooo jealous that there are no women only saunas and sex clubs, they hate that they don’t get to go and get their rocks off by paying $20 and having anonymous sex.  They have to actually talk to the girls in the bars and on line and go through all the bullshit just to get a fuck. 

Then there are the straight girl friends of mine who like to fuck.  Some of them have been raped, some of them have been hit by guys they brought home, who thought they could treat a girl they had picked up in a bar anyway they wanted to, because she wasn’t strong enough to fight him off, and they don’t know who he is, so he will keep getting away with doing nasty things to girls because he can.   If there were straight saunas where they felt safe, they recon they would go to them.

Then there are the poor straight guys who go through hell just to get laid.  Sometimes I think I only tried gay because I was so horny and rejected by girls.  I love being gay now, I mean really love being gay, and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but the number of straight male friends who I see stick by horrible girl friends just because she is the only girl they know who will put out.  And some of them get so disillusioned at their chances of getting laid on the open market that they say “I love you” and marry them.  Oh well that’s the price they have to pay for having a fragile sense of their own masculinity, I mean I think so many of them should get over themselves and try it with a guy, they would love it, but they aren’t brave enough to open that can of worms, so they play by societies rules of “your either straight or gay”.  Don’t get me wrong I know there are heaps of guys who would never cut it in the gay world, they NEED to be straight, they don’t have the looks or the social skills to navigate how tricky the gay world is.

It’s quite funny lots more young people go out then older people.  But if you go to a bar and there are gay or straight guys in their 30’s and 40’s, still going out it is usually for a reason.  To do well in the bar and club scene you have to be good at picking up.  If you’re not, then they become relationship focused because they are sick of loneliness and rejection.  But if you’re a mad rooter, then the thrill from hunting is usually more fun than the work that goes into making it work with one person.

And finally sex is important.  I am only having my first taste of what love is right now, and I meet him in a sex club, so good people go to them too.  But before I knew what love felt like, I was very worried about how burnt out I felt from all the once only fucking I had done.  But with a taste of love, I now realize just how important good quality sex is, even if is with a strange, it is important for men to be able to get sex.  I think sex is just as important as love and closeness; it makes up so much of who we are.  We aren’t women, we are men, and sex is who we are, we are other things as well, but don’t discount sex, good sex is what men live for.

I notice Jamie you are 23 and from Melbourne, well I was 22 when I was starting to fuck around, and yes it is important to retain as much of your youthful enthusiasm as possible.  It is the hardest thing in the world to get back once it has gone.  I was in such a hurry to grow up, that I raced through life at a cracking speed, and by the time I was 26 / 27 my bestie and I were like “there’s nothing left to do, we’ve done everything” it was the worst feeling in the world, there was nothing left to do, no new challenges, no new clubs to go to, no life experiences left to experience.  It has taken me nearly 4 years of trying to get some youthful enthusiasm back, 4 years of hard work to just get some of that lust for life that came naturally in the early 20’s.