Dating Verse Exclusive

I’ve had a pretty emotionally draining day really.  BF and I had our second tense conversation, spread over a day.  We went to dinner tonight and for a walk around Paddington, and we are clear where we stand, but where we stand is not on the same island.

It’s to do with dating verses being exclusive.  I know it is society’s current trend for people to become exclusive and see one person as soon as you meet them if you like them and start dating.  But that isn’t the way I want to work, I think it is the wrong way to go about things.  I was talking to a Brazilian friend today and he said back in Brazil, people go about it the way I do, slowly slowly, building towards something slowly, dating several people at once.  He also finds it strange the way here in Oz where people jump to monogamy as soon as they meet.

BF has a point and that is about his health, he can’t afford to get sick from me and my activities.  I don’t do anything unsafe, so I don’t really think it’s an issue, but out of respect for him, I have to decided whether I will do what he wants which is we go exclusive already and if we don’t work then we break up.  He says we can stop having sex if I want to see other people.  And I guess that means we go back to friends until I know that I want to build a life with him only.

I would prefer to date and have sex with other people until I found someone who I was happy to build my life with and if it was him then good.  I don’t really want to get to close to him before I know him better so we don’t have to break up.  I don’t understand to point of going through that pain if it can be avoided.   I understand that is how serial monogamists work, but it looks too hurtful to me.

I don’t think I will ever be the person who has a two year relationship that doesn’t go the distance, and then starts again.  I think I will be the person who keeps dating until I find the one I am happy to build a life with and that will be it, no false starts.  If I made it to 30 without ever dating then I know I have a discerning eye for what I want, and I don’t get myself into things that I need to get myself back out of again.

He has given and shown me love more than any other person in my life, including family, so obviously he is very special to me and I don’t want to lose him.  I feel pressure to change to keep him, but he says he isn’t trying to change me at all, it’s just we can’t have sex anymore.  I can’t help but feel there is an emotional element to it as well.  I would feel a little loss if he started dating others, but I don’t know how else to slow down the coming together phase into something healthy.  I see people all around me failing from a lack of discipline when it comes to amount of time they spend with a new love.  Nothing breeds contempt like familiarity.  I do believe this to be true.